Where, oh where, has my sex drive gone.

I mean I have looked all over for it.  Under the bed, in the cupboard, even the dryer.

Yet it has vanished.  No great surprise since I have gone through the "change" #okay #finemenapauseforyoumedicalpeople

I had expected a lot of things to happen, given the horror stories on the internet (not to take away from anyone who is truly having a rough time), but none of them happened.  I had expected my ovaries to go out with a bang (given that is how they burst on the scene during puberty).

Instead it appears my ovaries decided to take a slow, graceful exit stage left.

It happened so slowly as a matter of fact that I barely noticed.  It actually took my Roomie asking if I needed her to buy me feminine hygiene products while she was at the drug store, to realize that no, I did not need them.  But then I stopped and went... wait.  When is the last time I actually did have to buy said products?

Probably a year ago.  My first thought was "WAHOO."  My second was... "Ah, now I get it."

You see I had noticed that I was thinking a lot about Disneyland.  The characters, the ambiance, the rides.

Every few minutes the thought of Stitch or Goofy or Buzz Lightyear would pop into my mind, I would think about it for a few seconds, then move on.

It wasn't until that day with my Roomie, that I put two and two together.

Now that hormones weren't in play, giving me decidedly more risque thoughts, my brain had just attached itself to the next best thing... Disneyland?

Um, yep, I guess so! :-)

Don't get me wrong, I do mix my sex drive and if it would like to come back home, I would more than welcome it.  But given I am single #akaDoomed, I guess Disneyland will just have to do #quitenicelyinfact :-)

Cat-Pyre

This blog isn't so much about me (shocking I know) but about my roommate.

While on the surface my Roomie seems like an ordinary member of society. She has s job, a car, and loves to "spin."

Get to know her though?  And the cat crazy just pours right out of her.  There is nothing that she doesn't love about cats and her black cat extraordinaire, Elvira.  She even likes the smell of Elvira's poop (okay, maybe not that bad, but pretty darn close).

It doesn't matter that Elvira bites and scratches if she gets the least bit upset (well, according to my Roomie, Elvira is AFRAID and that is why she comes flying AT you with claws and teeth bared #ya #right).

But this blog isn't even about Elvira and the other cats (even though I could twenty blogs just on the cat antics in the house).  No, I want to remain focused and talk about my Roomie's cat obsession... I mean cat fancy #sorry #obsessionwastherightword

So Roomie and I are sitting around talking about the animals ('cause that's what we do while looking out at the beach) and some how vampires also came up (another common theme in our household).

Therefore it was no great surprise when Roomie blurted out, "Cat-pyre."  Obviously referring to a cat that had become vampiric.

Now this blog isn't about the fact she said "Cat-pyre," it is the wistful look on her face as she thought about what a cat-pyre would look and be like.  Then her eyes unglazed and she breathed out... "That would be awesome."

Yes, for her it would be.  I mean, combining her two favorite topics into one???  Fantastic!

Then we were watching True Blood and Jason had been mauled by a were-black panther and was suffering as he was turning into a big cat.

However what my Roomie took away from this horrible sequence of events was...  "I'd go through all of that if I got to be a panther."

I looked at her, with her sincere eyes (a cat of course on her lap),  "Yes, I believe you would."

She just nodded sagely and went back to watching the show.

So if you happen to stumble upon a Cat-Pyre or Black Were-Panther, please leave a comment below with your location since it probably means my Roomie has fulfilled her dreams but has gotten lost #howdoyouputatagonaCat-Pyre?

Only so much time...

Yep, I have hit it.

That moment in your life when you start to lose friends, contemporaries, to illness and disease.  Not just the awful, early tragic death of a high school buddy.  No, I am talking about *gasp* old age diseases.

I keep shaking my head, I mean I am only 46, yet the slow march of time appears to be quickening its pace.

I thought that 40 was the new 30?  How wrong I could be!

I mean, I thought I was totally cool with my mortality, until you know, it actually is staring me in the face.  And at 46, really?

I keep telling myself I am just being silly and not to worry, but then our office manager's best friend... aged 38 was diagnosed with bowel cancer and died within six weeks.

A great client of mine 52, died of a stroke last week.

I had a friend visit, 54, and it was clear he was starting to show signs of "forgetfulness" which as we all know now is something much more.

But then I look at Kirstie Alley and others cooking right along, as dynamic and vibrant as always.

I began worrying which path I was going down.  Would I be one of those shocking "Oh My GOD she was only ____ years old."  Or would I be one of those "Oh My GOD, she's how old?  She looks great!"

Then I realized worrying wasn't going to do much, was it?

If I get called "home" early, I get called "home" early.  Not exactly a lot I can do about some of the inexorbable forces at work in nature.

What I can do though is stop worrying.  Stop looking for "signs" of my mortality.

If I only have "so much time" left, I might as well make the most of it.

Of course how exactly I am going to do it is a slight mystery, but one I am eager to discover!

How do you handle your mortality?  Do you feel that same pang? #pleasetellmeIamnottheonlyone!

Lost Loves...

Um... probably should stay lost. LOL

Yes, I had in my mind that I had lost the love of my life.  He truly was everything that a man could be and perfect for me. 

And I had ruined it.  Ruined it with my fear and insecurities.  I had run away in shame.

I carried these dual notions for nearly 15 years.

He was perfect.  I was scum.

Yet somehow I took comfort in this fact.  I could hold that possibility of that long lost love close to my heart and ache for what could have been. 

If only I hadn't screwed up...  What if...  If only...

Can you hear the pining?  The swell of music in the background?  Yes, I believe I did weep a bit of blood.

Then out of the blue he contacts me.  Let's catch up.

My heart soared.  And the more we cooresponded (email 'cause that's how we roll these days), the more the only barriers I perceived that could keep us apart were gone.

Within a few weeks we decide he should visit.  Now he is a vet as well and he can't find anyone to watch his dogs so, of course, we decide for him to just hop in the car and bring them with him.

I dreamed of our meeting.  I dreamed of the first time we would set eyes upon each other. What would he say?  Would we hug?  Would we kiss?

The only thing I knew for sure was that that it would be magical.

Okay, fastforward to three dogs barking/howling/screaming in my driveway.

The love of my life looking haggard and beaten after driving 7 hours with them.  And a little pissed that I was 'late.' We did the bum's rush out to the backyard where the dogs proceeded to bark/howl/scream...


And not just that, but any time we get close to talking about anything emotional the little poodle goes berserk.
I mean, I could not have written a more Charlie Chaplin/3 Stooges fire drill if I could try.

Within ten minutes he announces that he is going home in the morning.  I try to persuade him to give it some time for the dogs to calm down (the whole while plugging my ears).

Later in the evening with a beautiful, gorgeous sunset he says "I know I should have waited until I had someone to watch the dogs but I just really, Really, REALLY wanted to come see you."

I step forward, "Oh Ken,"

And I swear that I am not exaggerating... at that exact moment, the poodle vomits on his foot.  The other dog falls off a chair and the blind dog runs into the sliding glass door.

I just looked at him and said, "Yep, leaving tomorrow morning sounds about right."

So all the gossimer haze around that relationship is gone. #clearly

It wasn't so much the dog's antics, it was the fact that obviously he was used to the dogs running some emotional interference for him.  And I realized in that moment that I want a guy who can just say what he feels rather than going through some kind of bizarre labyrinth.

I know that I should be glad that the rose colored glasses have been taken off and that I have clarity, however I must say, I do miss those violins when thinking of him :-) LOL

Indie Book Event - A Recap of Social Awkwardness

Glued Back Together - Poignancy Alert!

I have had a lot of loss this year.  Three beloved pets.  But they were elderly and I was #somewhat prepared, being a veterinarian and all, for when their end came.

Then a puppy burst into my life, Jaspy J (his rapper name FYI) and brought such joy.  You see he was a cat-dog.  He climbed cat trees.  He peed in litter boxes and his best friend (besides me of course) was a cat.

Sure he had his issues... like having to be within line of sight of me at ALL times, but we truly were best buddies.

But his best quality was that he always worked things out.  I didn't want him on my lap.  No worries!  he would spend fifteen minutes flattening himself into a pancake and sneaking under my laptop until he was wedged between it and me.  Mission accomplished!

Then he got sick.  It was stupid really.  He must have eaten something he shouldn't have.  Puppies do that all the time.  I treat puppies who do that all the time.  No biggie.

But then he started bleeding into his bowel.  Okay, maybe not so common but I have treated a million of those and had 999,999 get better.

Yet even after several transfusions he still bled.  It was time to take him to surgery.

And we could NOT find the bleeder.  I sank to the floor, knowing if surgery did not work, the chances that Jaspy J would pull through were dim.

But he worked things out.  He was young.  We prayed for a miracle.

And it seemed we got it.  For a full week he recovered.  I was even ready to take your his sutures when he suddednly crashed again.

This time, this time no amount of praying could pull him through.

When I finally had to put him down, I felt my heart shatter.  I mean I FELT it.

At first it was a loud crack and it broke along the major fault lines, but then as those shattered pieces fell the floor I heard the tinkering of a thousands shards scattering across the floor.

I thought this is it.  After everything I have been through after all the wounds and all the healing I will end up like Jasper.  Doomed to succumb.

I wasn't going to get another dog.  Possibly EVER.  I felt jinxed and damaged.

I laid awake the next night blaming myself for his death.  I combed over every minute of every day trying to figure out what I had done wrong.  How could I save so many lives and not my own dog's?

Then the night after I lost him, I fell asleep more out of exhaustion than to find peace.

That is when the dream came.  Jasper told me that he did NOT forgive me, simply because there was nothing to forgive.

And by the way, he was finally getting to do his rap since he had a concert and was opening for Tupac.  Who knew God was so into rap? LOL

But most importantly Jasper did not want me to be alone so he told me that his cousin was at the pound and in danger of being put down.

I was to look for a female, with his same divet on his nose and white blaze up his forehead.

I woke up feeling hopeful.  I still really did not want another dog necessarily, but I felt like I had to at least see if this dream was true.

So I went onto the pound's website and sure enough there was 1 dog that was a girl, with a divet and a blaze.  Now if I were to get another dog, I really wanted a male, but who can go against God?

I rushed to the pound but someone else was looking at her.  I shrugged and said I would wait.  After all Jasper had sent me, I knew that I was going home with her and not someone else.

Sure enough, those other people did not want her.

I was really calm when I walked out to the play yard.  "She" was just as cute as promised and loved to jump and kiss your face.

Then we realized "she" was a HE!  He had been mis-catagorized as a female!

Tears rolled down my cheek.  Here was proof positive that Jasper truly was in heaven and wanted me to be happy.

As always he found a way to make it work.  It may not have been perfect or even pretty, but it worked.

Now my heart was not broken... it was glued back together.  I am not sure if it will ever beat quite the same, but due to Jasper it is beating once again :-)

I am a horrible flirt...

No, seriously.

Not like I flirt like crazy, I mean I am horrible at the actual flirting.

So when I heard that this Menage a Blog was all about seducing the reader I knew that I was in trouble.  I mean, did the Blog Tour de Force people not read the title of my blog?  Dating after 40, okay hoping to Date after 40.

My seduction skills are... let us say rusty #rustedthrough

I mean the closest I come to seduction any more is to convince the guy at our local BBQ joint to give me an extra side of sauce for free.  And then half the time he still charges me the 50¢!!!

So you can see why I was a little bit nervous about competing today with Amber Scott and Deena Remiel.

Come on, Amber Scott is not only a huge Kindle bestseller but writes "highly addictive paranormal romance."  Her title is Fierce Dawn and has a total hotty angel on the cover (which begs the question is he naughty or nice?).  I mean just looking at the cover makes me want to jump into bed with her #book.

Then I am also up against Deena Remiel with Brethren Beginnings.  Um... the cover's got a fabulous picture of a guy with phenomenal abs.  She clearly knows my weakness for a nice six-pack!

And the steamy hotness doesn't stop at their covers.  Nope, once you start reading, the pages sizzle as you turn them!

Then there is me with my little ole gentle, brand-spanking new YA fantasy 7 Folds of Winter.  It is more a book you cozy up to with a nice warm cup of cocoa.  The world of 7 Folds is woven in shades of white, blue with splashes of rebellion red.  The characters are rich in variety and even though many of them are not even human, they all have such flawed humanity about them.

It is an old school fantasy that relies on powerful storytelling and intricate world building rather than tricks or gimmicks.

So my only hope in this competition today is that after you are done with the hot and steamy roller coaster ride that is Fierce Dawn and Brethren Beginnings, you will want to take a little break, breathe out a deep sigh and curl up with warm fantasy. #otherwise #Iamscrewed :-)

I was contemplating trying to buy you all off with some lasagna (which totally would have worked for me), but then realized... um... I want all the lasagna for myself! #duh #plusalittlemessyinthemail.

So if you take pity on my and my fledgling fantasy, you can vote for me and receive a free eBook of 7 Folds of Winter, by simply leave a comment below (you do need to give Disqus your email address so that I have somewhere to send your eBook).

Let's show them that sweetness and innocence still count! #theydontseemtoinreallife #soletsmakeithappenhere!!!

Don't forget to hit up Tuesday's line up of Lacey Weatherford's The Trouble with Spells (which is deliciously delightful), Terri Giulaino Long's In Leah's Wake (a heartrending story of family), and Rachel Thompson's Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-Publishing Success (which doesn't sound all that hot unless of course you want to make money off your own book, then this book is smokin' sexy!).

If you are reading this after Monday July 18th, no worries!  You can still obtain a free copy of 7 Folds of Winter! Just leave a comment below and I will be notified! #latecomerswelcome :-)

Also to stay on top of all the give-aways, check in with the Indie Book Collective for each tour day's official schedule :-)


And again, THANKS so much for participating in such an amazing tour and making it so very special for all of us! #awesomeness

I should bathe more frequently...

And not for the obvious hygeine issues (although, some days working from home... LOL).

No, what I find is that laying there in the water, my hair swirling around my face, I think more clearly.

The worries and frustrations seep away and I am left with clarity.

Suddenly problems that have vexed me, are resolved.  Ideas that have been percolating in the back of my mind, come surging to the forefront, ready for action.

I wish I could say that I am great at meditating.  That before bed or in the middle of the day I can sit back, relax and find this focus.

No, there is something magical between the water and myself.  Something happens that insulates me from the chaotic, hectic life I normally lead.  Let me be clear.  I do not light candles, turn off the lights and create a sacred space.

Nope, I am usually in a hurry, late for work, rushing to get ready.

Yet each time, no matter how my body wants to race forward, there is a magical moment when my mind balks and whispers quietly... stay... rest a while.

So from now on, I think I am going to make sure to savor the baths I take every day (okay, every other day... fine you caught me, every three days #hopefully) :-)

Writing... Um... what's the end result?

In the olden days (read three years ago), you shopped this manuscript around to agents and publishers and crossed your fingers that it sold.  If it didn't... um... #crap  That manuscript was dead in the water.  You might as well stash it in a drawer, weep softly then start writing the next one (whose fate more than likely would be the same).

Oh sure, you could VANITY PRESS.  But, um, with a name like that and the stigma attached to it, who wanted to do that?

Then the digital revolution happened.  Amazon.com opened wide its 'doors,' inviting anyone to publish.

At the same time readers began flocking to digital books and avoiding the traditional brick and mortar stores (hence why Borders is practically out of business and Barnes and Noble is being sold).

The shift in the publishing world cannot be overstated.

And the biggest beneficiary. beyond the reader who know can shop from the comfort of their living room and start reading within moments of purchase?  The indie author.

Me.  You.  All of us.

Now I know there are a lot of stiff backs right now and hackles up, and sure last year we could have argued the merit of self-publishing, but now?  Now that the houses are clamping down on purchasing ANY books by new authors?  Now self-publishing is nearly your only option.

The Big 6 and every small publishers is hemorrhaging right now. Privately they talk about "catastrophic" declines in sales.

There has never been a worse time to try and sell a book.  And try to get a house to fork out any advertising money?  Darlin', they just don't have it.

So indie it is... or... you know... store your manuscript's file on your harddrive and start writing the next one.

Luckily many have gone before us though and shown the way and I have had a pretty good run of sales the last year (far better than the VAST majority of published (even mid-list authors) I know ($20,000 and counting this year so far).

And this week the book I wrote with my fellow Indie Book Collective's Co-founders, Amber Scott and Rachel Thompson...
"Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-Publishing" is launching.

"Dollars &  Sense" can take the indie publishing neo-phyte from manuscript to publication, using a step-by-step method.  The book walks you through making sure your work is in publishable shape, to formatting, to learning social media, to how to potentate your book sales.

And the best part?  Thru June 29th it is just 99 cents!  Crazy right?  A total blue-print for indie publishing success for less than a buck!

So if you have any hopes and dreams about publishing (even if you go traditional publishing, you are going to need to know all this info since your house EXPECTS you to know how to use social media etc to gain name recognition), hop on over to Amazon and pick up your copy! #now #Imeanit :-)

Summer Break has arrived...

Darn it!

I usually LOVE living at the beach.  I mean, who wouldn't?  It sounds so beautiful and idyllic.  Which it normally is until...

Summer Break. #godhelpme

You know all those kids cheering that they are getting out of school?  Do you know exactly where they are going to head? Um... #myhouse

Ok, maybe not all of them, but LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of them.

And it isn't even like when people visit the beach they act safe and sane.  They GO CRAZY.

Behavior they would NEVER do, they do... right in front of my bedroom window!

Um... you do realize I can see you making out/taking your bikini top off/beating up your little brother? Right?

And the trash #oy

I bet you that this summer... at least once someone will...
Pee on my car tires
Have sex under my window
Try to climb into my yard, drunkingly trying to find their car
Shoot off fireworks... for no good reason
Shout at 2am "WAHOO" for no good reason (waking the whole house up)
Walking around naked on the beach as if my windows are not facing directly at them

Oh wait.  That is a safe bet.  Why?
Because they have ALL ALREADY HAPPENED.  Yep, one week in and my checklist if complete
#helpme #pleasehelpme

So yes, this is going to be a short blog... because I have to go outside and clean up ice cream containers, sippy cups, and used prophylactics #ah #summer

Eternal Optimist...

Yes, strangely that turns out to be me. #Iknow #weird

How did I come to be called this? (well, to be honest the person said "you are either an eternal optimist or a masochist, but I chose to go with the former).

It involved Craig's List #ofcourseitdidyousay

You see it all started when I got my 'super-geeky-you-love-Lord-of-the-rings-way-too-much' newsletter from Warner Bros.  They KNOW if they put something out, I will buy it, so I get all their super secret special deals.

And low and behold I opened this email with bated breath.  I mean LOTR was so long ago.  How could they possibly have something NEW to sell me? #yetIhadmycreditcardready #becausewhateveritwas #itwasmine

I find that they are putting out the extended editions onto Blu-Ray.  Awesome, of course I pre-order them #duh

But wait...  They are putting the EXTENDED versions of the LOTR movies BACK into the THEATERS (and yes, I know I just CAPITALIZED a lot of words, but you must understand my sheer joy and lack of abandon) for 1 night each.

DEAR GOD, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED #no #seriously #alifesdreamofmine

So I rush over to the site and scoop up 2 tickets each for each showing.

I am so happy and so content to know that I will be seeing these films... alone. #oh #crap

Yes, you see while I have such an amazing set of friends, they either live far away (Twitter is great, but gives you a bunch of long distance relationships) or they live nearby but aren't insanely in love with LOTR #weirdIknow And I wanted to go with someone INSANELY in love with LOTR so we could talk each and every delicious detail of the films.

So I automatically reach out to an on-line source.

Without thinking I write an ad on CraigsList... because clearly I confused it with Twitter and all of those nice folks.  But I knew I needed something local so I went with CL. And figured, how could I run afoul with a sweet, nice, "do you want to see LOTR with me" ad. #hencetheeternaloptomist

Um.... clearly A LOT.
I love men, but the men on CL are... um let's just say... uncouth (you can substitute, weird, gross, or horny here as well).

How an ad that mentions the term gentlemen THREE times can get you a picture of a penis, I will never know. But get them I did.  Now, I must give a few of these credit since they did name their appendages from characters from LOTR.  I have a few Legolas, Aragorn and one Gimli. #sigh

So yes, I hope to have my hope spring eternal, I may just not want to have us swimming over in the CL cesspool! :-) LOL #stillcantwaittogo #evenifalone #woot

Gratitude

As most of you know I created the Indie Book Collective to help authors figure out social media and how to sell their book.

It was been an amazing journey and I have met so many wonderful people.  We have created so many outstanding promotions, but this one...  Blog Tour de Troops is truly close to my heart.

You see this blog tour isn't about the authors really or the books, or even about you the reader.  It is about our men and women in the armed forces.  It is about getting as many books to as many troops that want them as possible.

Why is this so important to me?  Well, I grew up hearing war stories my whole life.  My great-uncle not only lied about his age but traveled to Canada to enlist to fight in World War II before the US even entered the war.  He was there on D-Day (after transferring back to the US forces once he was old enough).

I know the sacrifices he made and the scars he carried.  Then my youngest great-uncle had been drafted into the Army for Vietnam.  Long before it became PC to honor those veterans, my family was advocating for better treatment of wounded soldiers and mental health counseling for them as soon as they came home.

I remember wearing the POW bracelets and being made fun of at school for it, but I wore them anyway.

We live our lives in freedom because of the amazing and sometimes painful sacrifices that our men and women in uniform make.

And I can't tell you have proud I am that as an author, in this small way, that I can give back to our troops!

How can you help???

Super simple.  Just comment below and YOU will get a free eBook of either my Patterson-style thriller with a dash of Hannibal, Plain Jane, or my paranormal romance thriller HeartsBlood.

In addition to YOUR free eBook your comment also gets a free eBook for a troop.  You can either designate the troop of your choice or we are associated with a non-profit organization that will get the free eBook into the hands of a troop who has requested one!

How awesome is that?  Well... it gets even more awesome :-) #duh

Your comment also automatically enters you into a drawing for a new Kindle!  Plus we have multiple drawings for new Kindles for one or more soldiers (as more and more authors sign on and we get donations the more Kindles we can give away). #awesome\

While my Blog Tour de Troops day isn't until May 27th, I am accepting comments today through May 31st so feel free to comment today and to send all your family and friends to comment too!  The more comments I get, the more eBooks that go to our Troops!

I would also like to thank Toonopolis author, Jeremy Rodden for linking to me through the Blog Tour de Troops.  If you haven't visited their site, do so RIGHT NOW and get in on another free eBook (and help another solider get another great read).

Next on the Blog Tour de Troops daisy-chain of awesomeness is the amazing Nicole Galland.  Head over there RIGHT NOW to qualify for another eBook and of course win one for a troops as well!

Basically if you work the daisy-chain #ofawesomeness right, you could end up with DOZENS of high quality FREE eBooks for both you and the troops.

If that isn't showing your gratitude, I don't know what else could! #sosimple #sohelpful

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and I can't wait to see your comments.  Just simply leave a little comment on what you are grateful for, which book you are interested in, and your email address (please be sure to put it in this form so that evil bots don't find you.... Example: craftycmc at aol dot com).

Also list whether or not you would like a specific soldier to receive their free eBook (and which title).  If you do not give me the email (again in the super secret format) address for a specific soldier, I will assume that you would like the eBook donated anonymously to a needy soldier though the non-profit organization we are working with.

Again, thanks so much and if you have any questions on how this works, just leave a comment below and an easy way to reach you (twitter handle, email, FB page) and I will get back to you!

I can't even get_____ right!

Ok, so I am heading out to Austin and have learned with my bad back one of the best things I can do is get a massage the day before.  You know loosen everything up, get the lactic acid out of my muscles.

Great plan.  Then of course I have to execute it.

I don't know of any massage places in the area, so I just go to the one closest to my work.  It LOOKED clean and respectable.

My first clue might have been the fact there was only one person in the building and she was listening to rap music.  Nothing says relaxation like rap.

But as soon as I walked in, she turned it down and apologized... I think.  Not to be insensitive but there was a massive language barrier.

I should have inquired into prices then left.  Clearly in hind sight this could not have gone any other way, but I only have a few minutes left on my lunch hour and I really want a massage, so I convince myself everything is cool.

After some pointing and gesticulating we figure out that a half hour massage is $30 and a full hour is $50.  I opt for the 1/2 (the ONLY smart move I made since entering the building).

We go back to the room which again, looks very nice and an average massage room. She turns on ocean sounds.  Okay, maybe this will be fine.

I get undressed, get under the sheet, she comes back...

And strangely asks me... "Do you want a massage?"

Um, I am naked and face down on this table.  What the heck else would I want.  So only after I say "yes" do I realize that there ARE other kinds of massages.  The kind that I do NOT want.

So I try to clarify saying I just want a 'normal' massage.  A 'relaxing' massage and all she keeps doing is nodding her head says "Okay, okay."

Dear god, what have I gotten myself into?

Then she puts the tiniest amount of massage oil into her hands and proceeds with the massage.  She does not EVER get more oil.  And her massage technique is well...

Bracing.  Fast.  Vigorous.

At one point I realized, oh dear god, this is what a Thoroughbred feels like after a race.  It was the equivalent to a horse rub down.

My only salvation is I keep thinking, she can NOT be thinking this is sexy.  This bizarre, uncomfortable massage can NOT be leading to a happy ending.

But so far her hands have stayed where they are, but I am having the toughest time being ready for flight while trying to seem super relaxed.  That is NOT an easy thing to pull off!

And why didn't I leave?  Because what about if I was wrong?  I do NOT want to be that middle-class white chick that freaks out at a masseuse.  Plus this place is RIGHT by where I work.  I do not want to be running down the strip mall with only a thin sheet on #seriously #Ihaveenoughissues

So 90% of the massage goes as planned.  There were some awkward moments, there was nothing relaxing about it, and as her hands get drier and drier the massage has become more of an exfoliating exercise than anything, I being to hope I might get through it without anything worthy of a hidden camera.

Then we get to the end of the massage and she jerks (doesn't remove or pull away, just JERKS) the sheet off of me and tells me to "Get Ready."

I do NOT want to know what I should be bracing for!  So I pop up, scrambling to gather the sheet under me, and back against the wall.

But there she stands with a hot towel, you know, to wipe off the non-existence massage oil.

Oh.

So I tell her I am fine and want to KEEP the massage oil on my skin.

And now of course, she probably thinks I am the kinky one!  #great

So when I tell you I really shouldn't go out in public.  #pleasebelieveme!

Mom's Day...

As most of you know, I had a... let's say complicated relationship with my Mom.

So it is not surprising that this Mother's Day holiday thing can kick up some stuff for me.  Add to that my own lack of children (probably my largest regret out of a life I have learned not to be regretful) and Mother's Day can be... stressful.

Some Mother's Days I feel so down and depressed.  Like how can I ever right my life if it started out so difficult.

Then other Mother's Days I feel guilty that I don't feel down in depressed.  I feel like i should be having a difficult time.

Then there are other Mother's Days like this one.

I just feel... at peace.

Sure tomorrow I may get mad at Mom again for some emotional button she installed, but for today I am just glad she was my Mom and I can honestly honor her for trying as hard as she did to protect me and contain her crazy.

I also honor myself for mentoring so many young women and employees.  I may not be a "Mom," Mom, but I have done my fair share of parenting so I can honestly say I have paid it forward.

Then I ask each of the dog's for a kiss... which they are always happy to oblige and call it a day.

So for anyone out there struggling on Mother's Day or any day really, just know 'this too shall pass.'  And surprisingly even get better :-) :-) :-)

Happy Mother's Day to one and all :-)

 :-)

Saying Goodbye.

Let me start by saying that "The Office" kicked my ass this week. 


Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE the "The Office" but to be perfectly honest I was not a huge Michael Scott fan.  He was just TOO awkward.  It wasn't funny so much as uncomfortable. I have enough bizarre, uncomfortable interactions in my real life, I don't need them in my TV life.


No, what I watched "The Office" for was Pam and Jim.  Dwight's out of control bizarreness. And the rest of the gang's exploits.


So it took me a little off-guard when I was so affected by Michael's leaving the show.  You thought I would have been relieved, but the writers did such a great job of allowing Michael to grow up.. you know?  The guy he could have always been was finally there.


And then this last episode with him?  He was so tender and so very vulnerable.  I think I cried through the whole thing. Then at the end with Pam?  Sobbing.


But it didn't end there.  I felt so heavy and depressed after the episode.  I tried to shake it off, but couldn't.  I watched a few more comedies and a C.S.I. (cuz trying to catch a whacko serial killer is my idea of fun).

Yet I went to bed morose.  It wasn't until I tried to go to sleep and that haunting image of Pam up on her tip toes hugging Michael came to me and I started bawling again that I realized my deep sorrow had nothing to do with "The Office."


It had to do with Gary.  I was so bitter that I did not have that last hug (see ___ blog for the full story).  I too would have stood up on my tippy toes. But unlike Pam, I would have begged, and pleaded, and screamed, and clutched.


I would not have allowed Gary to get on that plane to heaven so peacefully.


If I could have, I would have thrown a scene to end all scenes to keep Gary here with me.  I would have done ANYTHING to keep him here.


But as always when I let Gary truly into my heart and even when I am sobbing my heart out thinking that it can never be put back together, Gary comes through.


I let myself imagine what if we truly had been able to actually have that miraculous last hug.

Still, I was clutching, not ready to let him go.  Not ready to never see him again.  Not ready to never hear him say "I called it."(for the back story see this Lifarre.com article).



Then image came to me of Gary just hugging me so hard, but then making us part. 

He looked into my eyes and said, "Queenie's been alone too long."


Of course he was (or at least that part of Gary that I have internalized forever) talking about his favorite dog.


And he was of course right.  Queenie had been alone too long in heaven.  That was the one and only thing he could have said to me that would have gotten me to stop clutching at him.  His time here was done.  I didn't like it, but I felt it.



Even though I still cannot see it clearly, I felt last night that there might be some rhythm or reason to this whole life thing.  And that while I want to stay here on this plane was long as I am able, I also know what awaits me.


I know once I take that plane into the everlasting sky, who will be waiting for me and then I will get that hug I so desperately crave.  #thankyouTheOffice #thankyou

Holy Easter, Batman!

Finally the day that I... and my taste buds have been waiting for!

Easter!!! (i.e. the end of Lent!)

As you might have heard (you know all those whiney Tweets and blogs) that I had given up candy and fast food.  Why I picked both I have no idea (and trust me my roommate and co-workers wonder exactly the same thing!)

But now the blessed day is here.

So first thing this morning I load the dogs into the car and head to a drive-thru McDonalds.  And what do you imagine but an Easter miracle!  They have cherry pies back!  Give me 3!

Loaded down with several sausage McMuffins, cherry pies and a mint shake I head home.

And like a kid at Christmas (or Easter for that matter) I chow down.  I am so proud that I didn't even finish off the Red Vines I had my roommate bring home.

Stuffed and satisfied I go to lay back down so I can sleep in when...

The tummy ache hits.  And yes, my roommate did in fact warn me about that so now I can't even complain about it in front of her!

I am sure there is a moral to this story which I am sure I would comprehend if I wasn't fantasizing about the 1 cherry pie left in the fridge :-) #seriously #IwonderwhenIwillfeelgoodenoughtoeatit #neverlearn

Let's kick some _____

A**...  feathers off... angel's booty...  Take your pick.

Um, wait... most of you may not know what I am talking about so let me back up.

First off there is a free Kindle at stake for you, my loyal reader (explained at the end of this post), but for us authors?   We are locked in mortal combat for Blog Tour de Force's: Cage Match.

You see I am in a good spirited (well, at least I am pretending to be good spirited, we shall see by the end of the day) competition against a very good friend of mine and co-founder of the Indie Book Collective, Amber Scott.

That's right, Amber and I are going mano-e-mano today, (virtually of course, because let's face it, if it were in person I would have thrown in the white flag already and gone out for lasagna).

She's got her paranormal romance thriller "Fierce Dawn." #okay #Iwillgiveherthatitisagreattitle

Sure, Fierce Dawn is exciting.  And okay, I will give her that her cast of characters are really interesting... and fine... the sexual tension is crackling... and she's got angels and vampires and changelings duking it out for the future of mankind...

But come on, we are talking about her going up against "Plain Jane."

Dark, gritty, intense.  "Plain Jane" has am FBI profiler nearly as deadly as the serial killers he hunts.  As to sexual tension, as one one reviewer put it "suddenly dysfunctional never sounded so sexy."  To say that the profiler and his ex-partner can generate some heat... well... you'll just have to read it to see for yourself.

When I asked my main character, Kent Harbinger, about our odds against Amber's angels and vampires, he said "Give me a pair of silver tweezers.  I'll take them both out."  And he would. #duh

After all "Plain Jane" is a Patterson-style thriller with a dash of Hannibal.  All's I am going to say is that Harbinger can bring it. #andisntafraidto #gothere

So embrace your dark side and comment below about why "Plain Jane" should win today's match and as a thank you, win a free eBook copy of "Plain Jane."

But that's not all!  Every comment also gets you entered into the free Kindle give-away!

Want to really amp up your chance to win that free Kindle?  Once you get the links/codes to Plain Jane, find your favorite passage (from anywhere past the first few chapters), come back and tell us about it in the comments and get 5 extra entries to win the free Kindle!

Wanna to double that?  Just send a friend to this blog today and if they leave a comment about "Plain Jane" and mention you as a referrer, you both get 5 extra entries!  #PlainJaneRocks

Then to just make this a crazy, crazy Cage Match, I will be giving out $5 Amazon gift cards randomly through the day to commenters!  Yes, this is your lucky day :-)

Please remember to leave me some easy way to contact you in your comment (twitter handle, FB name, email address written out long hand... such as craftycmc at aol dot com to fool the bots) otherwise I can't get you your free eBook, entries into the Kindle and $5 gift cards.

And if you want to get a free copy of Amber's "Fierce Dawn" head over to her blog... tomorrow!  You know, after I've won the match today ;-) #notatallcompetitive

Also, head onto the your preferred social media platform and feel free to hand out some smack talk about "Fierce Dawn."  #Ambercantakeit

Thanks so much for reading and thanks for being a part of #TeamPlainJane

Facebook is dumb...

Yes, I know I have probably insulted half of you, but come on!  And Yes, I know that I am a social media guru for authors, but come on!

My latest trip to Weirdo-land, I  mean my Facebook page, there was a new window on the right hand side that said something like, "These are people your friends are following."

Now on EVERY other social media platform you simply click to add that person.  It is how you grow.

And in this circumstance, the person happened to be a sister-in-law of a friend.  Do I know her personally.  Sort of. Can I recite her social security number?  No.

I mean, if you told her who I was, she would be like "Oh, ya, her."

But when I click on the 'friend' button a huge window pops up BORDERED IN RED, that says, unless I know this member PERSONALLY (their caps, not mine), my attempt to friend her will be considered SPAM and I could be suspended.

Um... dude... Facebook is the one that suggested I should follow her!  Seriously.  Make up your mind.

Are you the social media platform that is so obsessed with making money that you will sell every scrap of my personal information to the highest bidder or are you the platform that will ex-communicate me for daring to reach out to the sister-in-law of a friend.

Seriously.  #PickOne

So, I am sorry if I have offended any FB fans, but really... #ComeOn

P.S. When I went to find a graphic for this post, I typed in 'dumb Facebook' and wouldn't you know I had hundreds of pics to choose from. #guessIamnottheonlyone

Guest Post from @RachelintheOC

Sometimes I think I'm too jaded. Then I think no, it's just the lighting ~

Rachel Thompson, A Walk In The Snark

Carolyn writes about dating after 40. I write about #Mancode from the perspective of having been married for over eighteen years.

But hey, dudes are dudes.

They can be sweet, generous, great cooks, and generally lovely when it comes to sharing their omelets with you. They can also be selfish with the TV remote, terrible housekeepers, and forgetful when it comes to remembering to buy your particular brand of coffee at the store. Every freakin time they go. #Sigh

My book A Walk In The Snark: Best of RachelintheOC focuses on the goofy things men do (#Mancode) and how we chicks deal with it. I also help the guys out in understanding how women function (why they don’t get Chick Time or Shoe Math is beyond me #pft ) through my #Chickspeak essays.

But who am I? I’m no therapist (though if you want to know how to make a dirty martini, I’m your gal). And how did I go from blog to book?

Well, I started my RachelintheOC.com blog a few years ago but really hit my stride last year with my first #Mancode essay, Men are from Seinfeld, Women are from Friends. I’m a WAHM (Write At Home Mom) who just got tired of my guy never changing the toilet paper roll. For eighteen years. The response was huge, overwhelming. Clearly, I wasn’t the only chick whose dude had household paper product allergies.

Why can men change the world but not the toilet paper roll? 

I continued to write #Mancode posts and found a kernel of an idea. Why not expand my female-centric essays to include something for the guys? I had a growing Twitter presence and my male followers responded overwhelmingly positively: what are chicks thinking? What do we mean when we say “I’m Fine?” So I started my #Chickspeak essays to clue them in.

And I was off.

There are some poignant pieces mixed in where you see that being a redhead in a sea of blondes (I do lives in the OC after all) is not all beaches and martinis. But hey, that’s real life, baby.

I hope you’ll purchase my eBook (no Kindle required) for just 99 cents starting today through midnight Wednesday on Amazon as part of the Indie Book Collective’s special Bestseller For A Day’s big promotion! Help propel A Walk In The Snark to the top of the Kindle Top 100 chart and show traditional publishing how successful indie authors can be!

As my Bonus Buy (2 for the price of 1), you can also purchase a fabulous collection of short stories and poems by fab fellow author Kimberly Kinrade. Her book Bits of You & Pieces of Me is also just 99 cents BUT if you return to the site and fill out our fairly painless form, Kimberly will rebate the purchase price. #Woot! Also, you get five entries into my contest to win up to FIVE $10 Amazon Gift Cards!!

SECRET CONTEST: Purchase my book, then visit MY blog. Head over to me at RachelintheOC.com and leave me your favorite quote from the middle of A Walk In The Snark (to confirm purchase) and I will throw my own little Amazon Gift Card party!

Yep. Prove to me your undying love – okay, okay just show me you purchased my book – and I’ll enter your name into my own RachelintheOC.com drawing to win a $50 Amazon Gift Card! I will randomly choose TWO winners so that’s $100 worth of reader love. Who says you can’t buy love #Ijustcrackmyselfup

Please email me if you have any questions or comments at RachelintheOC@gmail.com or come visit my blog anytime RachelintheOC.com or Twitter or Facebook or Goodreads. I’m everywhere (except, ya know, the kitchen). I also cofounded the Indie Book Collective (along w/ founder Carolyn McCray) and teach writers ePublishing, social media and other cool stuff—find me on the @IndieBookIBC stream every day.

Special thanks to Carolyn for letting me guest blog today. No lasagnas were harmed in the making of this blog post.

I really should not interact with strangers...

Or even friends of friends of friends.

Let me set the stage.

I am fostering a puppy.  My receptionist's brother's best friend's niece might be interested.  But they want to meet the puppy.

Great!  Wait, what?  I have to be there.  #ohdear.

But I am brave and want this puppy to get a good home, so I say sure, come on over.  Wait, what?  They want to come over at 7:30pm?  Um, do they not realize that is just 1/2 hour before my bedtime?

But again, sure.  The puppy wants a good home.

For the first ten minutes I am so proud of myself.  I have not done anything stupid or weird or downright bizarre.

Then they want to meet Princess, because she sounded like a really cute Chihuahua.

I get very excited and jump up and right in front of them push out my chest, start unzipping my jacket and say "You're gonna love this!"

Ah, the look of pure horror on their faces.  I then clarify "I've got a Chihuahua in my bra."

Again, that clarification never seems to calm people down.

Luckily Chief, the Chihuahua that lives in my bra is pretty damn cute so as soon as he sticks his head out of my shirt, everyone calms down and stops dialing 911 (or at least waits before they hit 'dial') LOL

So again.  I really shouldn't interact with strangers #ever #youwouldthinkIwouldlearn

Lent - My favorite time of year!

No! Seriously!  I mean it!

New Year's.  Smoo-Years.  Give me Lent any time!

Okay, so maybe it isn't all fun and games.  Maybe my relationship with Lent  is a little bit of a love/hate relationship.  I love giving things up for Lent.  I love committing to a sacred bond.  And then you know... the week's pass.

Dear God they pass.  And pass and pass.

Exactly how long is 6 freaking weeks anyway?  How can 42 days stretch out into an eternity?  #HOW

But for all my moaning and complaining, Lent sets me up right for the rest of the year.

A little discipline in a life otherwise filled with indulgence.

Um, how many more days of this do I have to go through????? LOL

So if you happen to sit down to a meal with my favorite foods (you know 'em... lasagna, lemon merange pie, Twix) think of me and pray this 6 weeks flies by! :-) :-) :-)

SXSW - An After-Action Report!

Yes, I survived social interaction!  #shockingIknow

I mean, there were only three or four times that I felt like running away from a group of people, screaming with my hands over my hear.  That must be some kind of record (and for those of you just joining craftycmc, I mean it is a record for how LOW that number is.  Check out my "Anti-Social blog" for the full story!)

I also made no major social gaffs (ok, there was the time @RachelintheOC and I couldn't get out of a taxi-van in high heels, but that is for another blog).

And this is going to shock anyone who has been reading me for a while.  Things worked out as planned!  I know, right?  No stranded seal pups (read here for that adventure), no shouting out inappropriate things in a crowd (read my "This is a nice rack" for that one), and (unfortunately) no Chihuahua in my bra popping out at the most inopportune times.

Nope, for this trip I was all professional and stuff!  I even wore make-up (yes, I know that is one of the seven seals breaking).

And, *gasp* I did really well on the panel.  Lots of questions thrown my way regarding self-publishing (I am the founder of the Indie Book Collective after all) and after I got off the dias I was swarmed with people (and STILL I did not run screaming away *ya*me*).  I even got a few interviews with national publications out of the deal.

So the moral of this story?  Sometimes it is worth leaving your beach home and Chihuahuas.  Of course, will that said I flew out the day after the panel and as soon as I got home put a Chihuahua in my bra, but hey, you can't expect a leopard to change all her spots in one weekend! :-) :-) :-)

*Super, duper absolutely stupendous update!!!  My article on how to better sell your books on Amazon.com has been posted on the Digital Book World site, right here!  #Imaybehyperventilating #notsure

Well... Did I do it?

Yes, there are many, many ways to take that question, however I am talking about my Bestseller for a Day with "30 Pieces of Silver" and did I land a NY agent?

Well, that story is still to be told.  Yes, Bestseller for a Day did in fact get "30 Pieces of Silver" into the hands of a NY agent.  Now we must all wait with bated breath, crossing our fingers and toes, and holding our breath (well, at least I will be :-)

The great news is that "30 Pieces of Silver" peaked at #183!  That's right out of 4,000,000 books my little ole controversial thriller was 183!  And not just that but it also captured the #1 slot for Men's Adventure last Monday, but it also popped in and out of the #1 spot Tuesday and Wednesday!

So yes, it was a pretty amazing ride!

But now on the to the next one! SXSW. #crap #Ihavetotalktopeopleinperson

I love being a social media expert.  I love being a self-publishing expert.  I even love doing conference panels.  But then all good things must end and I have to come down off the dias and mingle with....GASP... strangers!

Can you imagine?  Well, actually you don't have the imagine.  You can read this post about last year's Bloggy Boot Camp.

Luckily my partner in crime, @RachelintheOC is going with me.  Now, let's be clear. I will still say incredibly awkward things.  I will wander away from conversations because I am just done with them and I will in fact get myself into some Keystone cop impossible situation, but at the very least I will have Rachel there to explain to everyone... "Oh, she's just anti-social."

Check back next week to find out SXSW went and to see if my dream agent even knows my name :-) LOL

My Hopes and Dreams Hinge on You Today...

But, hey, not too much pressure right? LOL

Sorry, but today (Feb 28th, 2011 in case you read this later, which please keep reading because you late comers are my plan "B") could change my life (and win you a Kindle or part of my $150 Amazon gift card give away, but details on that later).

And not in the usual way of... if only I had lasagna I know I would feel loved.

No, today is one of those days when my luck could truly turn around.

Why, you ask?

Well, thank you so much for the interest!

You see I am participating in "Bestseller for a Day."  This event attempts to drive as much traffic to a single author's Kindle page and shoot it up the charts.

The hope being, that we prove that an indie author can compete with the big boys, at least on Amazon.

And my controversial historical thriller (ala Da Vinci Code) "30 Pieces of Silver" is the Bestseller for a Day.

You can only imagine how nervous I am.

Because I have done all my leg work. Not only have I written a completely kick-a** thriller (or so NYT Bestseller James Rollins says), but I have lined up an agent who is watching my Amazon numbers very closely today.

If I do well enough, I'm agented by a major NY agent.

If I don't... well, I will just hang my head in shame and beg #seriously #youknowIwill #Ihavenoshame #evenwhenIshould #sopleasesaveme #frommyself

So if you have ever liked a single word I have ever written or thought, "that girl deserves a break", or you just pity me for my lack of a love life, please head on over to "30 Pieces of Silver's" Amazon page and plunk down your hard earned 99 cents and buy the danged book!

Even if you don't enjoy thrillers per se (like the work of such authors as James Rollins, Steve Berry, Brad Thor, and Clive Cussler) buy the book anyway. It is NOT DRM so you can give the sucker away to someone who could appreciate it.

And to sweeten the deal, Bestseller for a Day also has a "Bonus Buy." Basically if you buy "30 Pieces of Silver" today with my Patterson-style thriller with a dash of Hannibal, "Plain Jane," I  will refund you the complete purchase price of either "Plain Jane."

Basically you could end up with 2 books for under a buck when it is all said and done.  How awesome is that???

I haven't asked much of you... oh wait... I usually do want your adoration and unswerving devotion, but besides that and well, advice on my love life, I haven't asked for much #justworkwithmehere

But today, I do ask for you to do something incredibly meaningful for me.  Purchase "30 Pieces of Silver" and help get me the agent I have always dreamed of.

Because, I mean, how often do you really get the chance to transform someone's lives and make a dream come true, especially for just 99 cents! (and yes, I am still talking about "30 Pieces of Silver" and not a blind date with Steve McGarrett... although.... LOL).

Now, you are probably saying, that's wonderful Carolyn, but, um... what about that Kindle you are giving away or even the "Insta Win" $5 gift cards that I am giving away today (Feb 28th).

For super detailed instructions on how to enter any and all of those, just head on over to www.bestsellerforaday.com

Basically you can always get 1 entirely free entry, but the entries really pile up if you buy "30 Pieces of Silver" and especially if you go in for the "Bonus Buys."

The winner of the Kindle will be Announced on next Monday's blog so check back then, and be watching your email since you could also win some of those 'insta' win $5 Amazon gift cards!

Again, thank you all for your support! #inadvance :-)

Spoiled #cubed

 I miss Jiffy Pop.

Sure, I am certain I can still find some, somewhere and pop my own corn on the stove, but then I think...

Orrrrr I could just nuke some and sit down for a few minutes and check my email while it pops.

Plus in this day and age of more and more powerful microwaves it is hard to remember a time when 10-15 minutes shaking a thing on the stove was considered 'Jiffy.'

So, yes, Jiffy Pop still exists, but I am just too spoiled to use it. I can just close my eyes, listen to the microwave popcorn, smell the scent and imagine how much more fun it would be if I were doing it on the stove. #goodenoughforme

I also get mad at my phone at work. Did you know I actually have to dial the numbers? I have to press actual buttons to make things happen. And guess what if I mis-dial a number I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN??? What is up with that?

Oh, ya, it is actually how phones have worked since their invention. I just got spoiled by my iPhone.

And speaking of an iPhone (which I do frequently and with great love and devotion), as I was typing this blog, I made several spelling errors. Now you would think I would be content that the the program highlighted mis-spelled words.

But no, even that is not enough for me. I want them auto-corrected. Just fix it already!

Yes, technology has spoiled me. But oh how I love my tech in return.

Once you've had tech... well, you are too busy playing with it to care about much else :-)

Who's with me?
Tell me your "spoiled" moments!

Hawaii 5-Valentine's-Day-Hottie-Alert-O

You can imagine how it pains me to tell you that I have had to call things off with Nathan Fillion*
*in my head, of course.

Yes, the heart (or parts south therein) have a mind of their own.

I am of course talking about Steve McGarrett from Hawaii 5-O. Now let's be clear, not Alex O'Loughlin who plays Steve, but the actual character.

I mean, I am sure he is a nice guy and all, but I want that overly-responsible, emotionally cut off hunk of a guy Steve.

Which is different from Nathan. Would I like to have my way with Castle? Sure. Mal from FireFly? Absolutely. Even Dr. Hammer from Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog. Let's go.

Why? Because, god love Nathan, whatever character he plays, he just brings so much of himself to the part..He feels cuddly and warm and comforting.

Plus I bet he even jiggles just a little when he does it. Which for a long term relationship is awesome.

But Steve and his rock hard abs? His bulging biceps. Really I need to stop now before I cross some invisible PG-13 line

I am sure I will regret this imaginary decision in a few seasons when Steve has left me worn out and crying as he moves on to his next conquest.

So as much as it pains me, especially on Valentine's day, Nathan, it is over. Truly over. Not just for the summer or winter hiatus, but forever. Please don't make this awkward by texting or stalking me on Facebook (wait, I think that was me).

So I introduce to the world my new imaginary boyfriend... Steve McGarrett.
Girls, look, but do NOT touch :-)

Also in case anyone has been living in a cave, besides being Valentine's Day, it is also Feb 14th, which means Amber Scott's romantic comedy is the "Bestseller for a Day!"


Please head over to her Amazon.com page and help her climb the Kindle Charts!
Plus if you buy "Play Fling" for just 99 cents today, you qualify for 2 Bonus Buys!
That's right, if you buy Amber's paranormal erotica (and who wouldn't after thinking about McGarrett's bulging... biceps) "Love Lust" and/or my paranormal romance/urban fantasy (with some pretty hot scenes as well) "HeartsBlood" Amber and I will rebate you the entire purchase price of the bonus buys!

Head on over to www.bestsellerforaday.com to learn more about this incredible event or just head straight to Play Fling's Amazon page!

Until next week!

Betty White... Kicks A**

That's right, I said it. She kicks booty.

I wish I could kick as much booty NOW, forget when I approach 90 years old. I want to be as delightful, talented, gung ho and adorable as her at 46.

Of course there is absolutely no hope for that, but still I pine.

I remember Betty White as being OLD when I was a kid. I mean, I thought she was fun and entertaining, but wow, look at that hair.

Ah, how very naive I was!

Why does nearly every young person truly believe they will never get old?

I mean, I knew I would get older but the concept that at some point I would actually be 46 years old with wrinkles forming and white hair sprouting up never occurred to me. Truly one of those WFH moments in life.

WHEN DID I GET OLD???

But I feel lucky. At the least I have Betty White. Because now am I not just starting to accept that fact that I will age and get to 90, I now WANT to get to 90!

Betty White. Showing my generation that getting old still sucks, but at least you can still kick some a**

Memories #poignancyalert

I used to dislike memories.  Or at least the ones I tended to dwell on.  They were not pleasant. But even when I would stumble upon a happy memory, I braced and got nearly stiffer over those, spending all my time trying to stuff it back down again.

It was like they were almost worse for reminding me what I had that I had 'lost.'

If you've read my blog for any length of time (which, um, I commend you for sticking it out so long #clearly #thereissomethingwrongwithyou ;-), you will have read my blogs about Gary and such.

And then this year I lost not one beloved pet, not two, but three. Of course they were all around the same age and lived long, healthy lives, they just all decided to depart within months of each other (if you would like to read more about my pets, head over to @pupsinteacups and there is a "The Band is Back Together" blog here).

I honestly, thought, how am I going to get through this? The last two occurred during the holiday season, already a tough one for me.

But the most wonderful thing has happened. I am grieving. Actual real grieving. And it turns out actual healthy grieving isn't about balling up in a corner and sobbing until you run out of tears.

Sure there is crying, but there is also remembrance. There is also remembering the good times, and without shying away. To remember the good with the not so good and not either shove it down or alternatively CLING to the good.  To let it all flow over you and let it carry you to a happier place.

I love my memories now. And I realized that I have held back so many wonderful stories about Gary and all the other people and pets I have lost because it just hurt too much to remember them.

Well, not any more. I know it won't be perfect, but now if a memory or story comes up I am going to try to not fight it, but let it well up inside and fill me with joy. A misty joy (kind of like the picture above) perhaps, but joy none the less! :-)

But don't worry, I will still obsess over pink and have way deeper feelings for lasagna than I should #cuz #thatisjusthowIroll

And don't forget that today is the LAST day of the Blog Tour de Force!  That's right, this is the last chance for you to enter to win the Grand Prize of a KINDLE! #holycow

So hop on over to the Indie Book Collective's blog and enter! #doit #now #hurry #beforeyouforget... #again :-)

Rain....

Rain, rain... stay today and never, ever go away!

I believe I might have a fictitious mental disorder "Reverse Seasonal Affect."  The grayer it is, the happier I am.

Because, in short, the sun bums me out.  Besides the whole photosynthesis thing, do we really need to see the sun? #really

Can't it impart its radiation through thick cloud cover? #seriously #theresgottobeaway

You would think that rain would frustrate me with all the dogs.  I mean they HATE water falling from the sky.  It is just wrong.

But even standing out in a soaking wet yard, with rain drops beating on my head, I am happy.  Yes, I am yelling at the dogs to get their business done and I have to change my pants from sitting on the sopping wet patio chair, but I am good.

Everyday after a long stretch of rain, my co-workers ask "Had enough rain yet?"

Um, no, actually I haven't.

And let's be clear, I like every different kind of rain.  Just like Eskimos have a 100 different words for snow, I embrace every type of precipitation.

Drizzle is nice.  It coats my eyelashes without making the dogs dodge in terror from the rain drops.

A sudden shower is a beautiful surprise filling the air with that charged scent (and knocking all the damned pollen out of the air, but that's for another blog)

And even though the dogs may cower under the bed during a thunderstorm, I'm at the window, my nose pressed against the pain, taking it all in.

So if you are rushing down the street, your hood pulled over your head, trying to get out of a down pour and you see a woman (I would imagine in pink) strolling along, smiling... that would probably be me :-)

And yes, this has been an uncommonly upbeat and hopeful blog post #dontgetusedtoit :-)

Also, don't forget to check out Keta Diablo's "Where The Rain Is Made."  She is today's stop on the Blog Tour de Force (click here to view her site).  To learn more about this amazing blog tour (it ain't your Grandma's blog tour, that's for sure!) check out www.blogtourdeforce.com

Remember, that every entry on every stop of the tour is an entry into the Grand Prize drawing for a Kindle!

And to celebrate the Blog Tour de Force, I am once again giving away a FREE copy of "HeartsBlood" to anyone who comments below!  #yippeeeee :-)

Blog Tour de Force

Stop #1 HeartsBlood!

That's right, people!

The Blog Tour de Force has officially begun and this little ole blog is where the fun begins!

For any of you who have been living in a cave, I am one of the founders of the @IndieBookIBC plus I write a bunch of stuff. And I would love a bunch of people to read my bunch of stuff. So with @amberscootbooks, @rachelintheoc and @LMStull we threw together the mother of all blog tours!

"Get Loaded...Your eBook reader that is"

That's right, 12 authors banded together to put together a Grand Prize package that includes... wait for it... a Kindle!

That's right, you can win a Kindle and not only that but have it loaded with all 12 authors books plus a gift basket filled with gifts from each author.

Even the 1st Prize is off the hook with all 12 authors giving your their eBook for free! And those are just the overall prizes.

Each stop on the way will have its own set of prizes from the author. Free eBooks. Free signed paperback copies. Individual gift baskets. You name it, it'll probably be given away!

But, let's get back to me #myfavoritetopic

Today we are celebrating my paranormal romance/urban fantasy "HeartsBlood"

How would I describe it? Um... how about I let a few reviewers do it for me?

“Oh. Dear. God. I loved HeartsBlood!

When I was reading it, I couldn't put it down. When I wasn't reading it it was all I could think about. I loved that I couldn't figure out what was coming next. The plot was truly spellbinding.

Seriously, I laughed, I cried, I worried. And when I finished the book I wanted to pick it back up and start from the beginning again.”

Lori W. (@funkycakes)

“HeartsBlood is a paranormal romance? I hate to argue with Carolyn, but this is a kick-but-and-take-names urban fantasy. No, it is a thriller. Wait. I think it might be an action packed story of love and magic that defies classification!

I fear only women will read HeartsBlood when it was one of the most exciting thrillers I have read in a long while!

Guys, take note HeartsBlood is for you too!”

Ben Hopkin (@actingnodrama)

Also please check out my review sponsors...

ParaYourNormal

BrighterScribe

Fade into Fantasy

ThrillersRockTwitter

Mark of the Stars

YourNeedToRead

I Eat Words

Bonnie Gene Adams

I really appreciate all their kind words! Please check each and every one of them out for their opinion of "HeartsBlood" (because Lord knows you shouldn't trust me!) plus find even more ways to enter the Grand Prize Drawing for that "Loaded Kindle!"

So Amber told me I needed to write something really pithy and fun for this blog. You know, something I hadn't told any other reviewer. That I really needed to hit it out of the park.

Obviously she has never read anything previous on this blog otherwise she would have known it was a lost cause (and thank gawd I am going first so you can't judge me against the others!).

But what I can say is... If Tyr (the uber-hot, stubbled, tall, dark and dangerous hero from HeartsBlood) came walking down the street...

a) I would swoon

b) He would step over my unconscious body

c) I would be okay with that!

The other really cool thing about the Blog Tour de Force is that I got meet a lot of really great other indie authors. The first I'd like to mention is Kris Tualla. Her "A Matter of Principle" is historical fiction at its best.

The third in her series, you are going to love the chemistry and romance of Nicholas and Sydney. Set in St. Louis during the 1800s, the plot unfolds like a delicious meal. Tempting tidbits of mystery to start, building to an incredibly satisfying conclusion, with, of course, a silky smooth dessert to finish it all off with.

You are going to want to immediately go out and buy books 1 & 2!  I know I did! 

"A Matter of Principle's" Blog Tour day is tomorrow 1/18 so hit her up here! #seriously #Iwillbewatching

Then there is Susan Schreyer's "Death by a Dark Horse." Being a veterinarian you can imagine how hooked I was by a book with one of the main characters being a horse suspected of murder! I mean, come on! I get to use my veterinary and my love of police procedure to solve a crime! How often does that happen #notnearlyenough

Even if you aren't a horsey-girl like myself, I think you will find the complicated relationships and exquisite mystery more than satisfying in and of itself.

Susan's blog day is January 29th. Mark your calendars so you can hit her up here (or better yet sign up for our newsletter so you don't have to 'remember' anything! Get a daily reminder along with author news and super secret BONUS ways to enter the Kindle give away!).

Also don't forget that the tour will conclude at the Indie Book Collective on January 31st with an incredible scavenger hunt for loads of different ways to enter the Grand Prize drawing for that free Kindle!

Plus you can go to www.blogtourdeforce.com and sign up for our newsletter - just that alone gets you 5 entries into the drawing for brand spanking new Kindle, plus you get fun content from the authors and EXCLUSIVE ways to rack up lots of entries! Sign up NOW!

But what about HeartsBlood you ask? What spectacular prizes are you giving away TODAY?

Why, I am so glad you asked!!!

First off, anyone who follows this blog and leaves a comment (even 'yo, Carolyn') gets a free eBook! #howawesomeisthat

Second my gift basket is in my opinion, kicks some serious booty!

Not only do you get a free eBook, but you also get a signed paperback copy of "HeartsBlood" along with a gift basket that includes some blood red nail polish (for obvious reasons), a cut crystal necklace just like the one in "Heartsblood," and a hand-stained and burned-in leather bookmark. A truly unique keepsake! And a "Hello Kitty" pen, just to keep it real. #Iamsuchagiver

How do you enter for the "HeartsBlood" gift basket? Simple!

Simply go to smashwords.com and download your free 100 pages. Then simply leave a comment with your favorite line from pages 24-30! #toldyouitwassimple!

Oh, and did I mention that I need your help to kick the other author's butts? Because for us authors there is a free book trailer at stake! And I know how much you want me to be the proud winner! So please remember to go the the Indie Book Collective blog on Jan 31st and vote for me!!! #youknowyouwanna :-)

Alright, I am going to wrap this puppy up with a great big THANK YOU to all my readers, hope you enjoy "HeartsBlood" and I can hardly wait to see who wins my gift basket!