Sunday, July 24, 2011
Glued Back Together - Poignancy Alert!
I have had a lot of loss this year. Three beloved pets. But they were elderly and I was #somewhat prepared, being a veterinarian and all, for when their end came.
Then a puppy burst into my life, Jaspy J (his rapper name FYI) and brought such joy. You see he was a cat-dog. He climbed cat trees. He peed in litter boxes and his best friend (besides me of course) was a cat.
Sure he had his issues... like having to be within line of sight of me at ALL times, but we truly were best buddies.
But his best quality was that he always worked things out. I didn't want him on my lap. No worries! he would spend fifteen minutes flattening himself into a pancake and sneaking under my laptop until he was wedged between it and me. Mission accomplished!
Then he got sick. It was stupid really. He must have eaten something he shouldn't have. Puppies do that all the time. I treat puppies who do that all the time. No biggie.
But then he started bleeding into his bowel. Okay, maybe not so common but I have treated a million of those and had 999,999 get better.
Yet even after several transfusions he still bled. It was time to take him to surgery.
And we could NOT find the bleeder. I sank to the floor, knowing if surgery did not work, the chances that Jaspy J would pull through were dim.
But he worked things out. He was young. We prayed for a miracle.
And it seemed we got it. For a full week he recovered. I was even ready to take your his sutures when he suddednly crashed again.
This time, this time no amount of praying could pull him through.
When I finally had to put him down, I felt my heart shatter. I mean I FELT it.
At first it was a loud crack and it broke along the major fault lines, but then as those shattered pieces fell the floor I heard the tinkering of a thousands shards scattering across the floor.
I thought this is it. After everything I have been through after all the wounds and all the healing I will end up like Jasper. Doomed to succumb.
I wasn't going to get another dog. Possibly EVER. I felt jinxed and damaged.
I laid awake the next night blaming myself for his death. I combed over every minute of every day trying to figure out what I had done wrong. How could I save so many lives and not my own dog's?
Then the night after I lost him, I fell asleep more out of exhaustion than to find peace.
That is when the dream came. Jasper told me that he did NOT forgive me, simply because there was nothing to forgive.
And by the way, he was finally getting to do his rap since he had a concert and was opening for Tupac. Who knew God was so into rap? LOL
But most importantly Jasper did not want me to be alone so he told me that his cousin was at the pound and in danger of being put down.
I was to look for a female, with his same divet on his nose and white blaze up his forehead.
I woke up feeling hopeful. I still really did not want another dog necessarily, but I felt like I had to at least see if this dream was true.
So I went onto the pound's website and sure enough there was 1 dog that was a girl, with a divet and a blaze. Now if I were to get another dog, I really wanted a male, but who can go against God?
I rushed to the pound but someone else was looking at her. I shrugged and said I would wait. After all Jasper had sent me, I knew that I was going home with her and not someone else.
Sure enough, those other people did not want her.
I was really calm when I walked out to the play yard. "She" was just as cute as promised and loved to jump and kiss your face.
Then we realized "she" was a HE! He had been mis-catagorized as a female!
Tears rolled down my cheek. Here was proof positive that Jasper truly was in heaven and wanted me to be happy.
As always he found a way to make it work. It may not have been perfect or even pretty, but it worked.
Now my heart was not broken... it was glued back together. I am not sure if it will ever beat quite the same, but due to Jasper it is beating once again :-)