Sunday, January 31, 2010

Ad: White, Never Been to Jail, Employed, Some ink

That was it. I mean, that was the entire ad.

Oh, no, sorry. The title was... 47 yr Old - Looking to marry.

Clearly that is enough info to base a life-long commitment.

Is this what it has come down to? Or put another way, is the bar this incredibly low?

All's we need is ethnicity, your wrap sheet, employment status and for an added bonus the state of your body art?


As I was shocked at how anyone in their right mind could post such an ad and expect anyone to...

You guessed it another ad popped up RE: White, never been to jail...

Yep, some chick also noted he left something out of his ad. His Phone #!!!!!

Dear God, within minutes five women wrote back asking for his number. Really out of all the things in this world you might want to know and you want his call him????

His hopes and dreams, what job he has, hell I'd even take his height for god's sake!

I bet by this morning his in-box is full up.

So maybe this is why all those 50 somethings think its okay to state their favorite sexual position in the first paragraph. They actually get responses!


And okay, I do have to admit the employed part was mildly attractive :-)

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Old Habits, I Mean OLD Habits, Die Hard

Like most of you, I've spent my entire life changing clothes in my bedroom. (I've gotten over the dogs staring.)

Well, now I live oceanfront with no curtains on a large bay window facing the beach. Curtain-less not by choice, but it seems to be the unspoken rule or etiquette here.

So one would think with dozens and dozens of people walking right past your window (and within 10 feet at this point since the surf is so high) you would remember to like... keep your clothes on. At least your bra.

But no. Old habits kick in. The shirt is flung. The pants strewn. And there you are smiling awkwardly at a neighbor walking his dog.

Not to say I haven't gotten better. There is a fleeting moment as my arms raise the shirt over my head, when I think, did I check the beach, but at that point it is a done deal.

I can't tell you how many early morning flashes I've given the older men beach-walkers. And I'm pretty sure I've helped some boys to become men.

So this week my goal was NOT to flash anyone. I mean that's only 7 days. I can focus for that long, right?

I was doing so well until last night. Usually after dark, it is safe to do whatever I want. The chances anyone is walking out in the dark with this rough surf and 40 degree temperatures is next to nothing right?

So there I go, scrub top off, bra unclasped when lo and behold a guy, not five feet from my window goes walking by.

It is 10 o'clock at night! What in the 'f' is he doing...

Oh yeah, the full moon. Not so dark. And it's Friday night. Normal people actually stay up after dark.

Yeah, my bad :-)

Maybe next week...

Friday, January 29, 2010

Getting Up Early Had Never Been So Fulfilling

Okay, it is a crappy picture of one of the most beautiful sights I have ever witnessed :-0

The waves woke me up and what did I see as I walked past the window? A full moon shining down on the surf with the lights of Ventura in the distance.

Awe-inspiring, truly.

I love nature, but seldom do I have moments when I feel like she is talking directly to me. Thankfully tis morning was one of those moments.

There was only a tinge of bitterness to such a sweet, sweet experience. That there was no one to really share it with.

Then I shrugged, maybe it's selfish but I'll take a hundred such moments even if it means being alone! :-)

So tonight I am going out with my good camera and trying to capture the moonlight on the water. Wish me luck!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Ocean is at my door

I mean literally. That picture was taken from my bedroom window!

We are having ten foot waves and they are breaking within ten feet of my house!

The only thing keeping sea water out of my yard right now is a row of rocks uncovered by the storm.

I can't tell you have much I have missed having nature up in my face like this. I hate going to work today. I could just stay and watch the waves all day.

I grew up in heaven. Okay it was Napa but same diff! With a micro-farm you had to be aware of the weather and everything nature threw at you.

And let me tell you nature is throwing down some majestic waves today. She is right at my door reminding me that life is pretty freaking awesome.

And you know what? It's pretty cool to have nature as my life partner!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A follow up on feet smelling... or A.K.A. add boob smelling to the list

Yep, they just want to smell your boobs. Not touch them or even look at them. One guy was kind enough to state he would blind-fold himself.

Because, ya know, my real worry was that he was going to be watching while he smelled my boobs!

I think he missed most women's concerns.

And just in case you were wondering, that service is worth about ten bucks.

But last night there was a very nice ad. No watch words (sensual, passionate, adventuresome... which translate to sex, sex, and more sex). Good grammar. Everything spelled properly.

He sounded his age. It was a good length post. He was an early retiree.

I thought, wow! This guy might be for...

Then I got to the 'Here's something you might want to know about me' section.

Now many times that is they have kids, a peanut allergy, or...

He likes to give oral.

What? Before my brain could process the shock, I read a few more lines that, in quite graphic detail, described his various techniques.

Great, it's 10 o'clock at night and I have to take another shower.

I mean, he didn't list it, but I bet he'd pay ten bucks to smell my boobs...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

This is my view on life...

You would think with that kind of sunset every night, some guy might want to share it. But according to Craigslist and so many other dating sites I either need to:
Let them smell my feet
Lose 100 pounds (which would make me grossly underweight, but that seems to be the trend)
Or be open to 'things that can't be listed here'

Okay, there is a lot of stuff (I mean I didn't know some of that stuff existed until I was well into my 30s) listed so if they can't mention it, YIKES (okay, I have to admit I almost write back just to find out what the hell they could mean but luckily my gag reflex outweighs my curiosity!)

Then I remember God really is so pretty. That sunset proves it every night so I guess I'll dial back the bitter-o-meter and be open to a non-foot smelling, normal guy who can actually list what he wants in a woman :-)

Monday, January 25, 2010

How could someone 55 be just 10 years older than me? When the hell did that happen?

Most of my dating sites (and yes, I have many, why I don't know, but I still do) are set to search for men up to 10 years my senior.

I usually don't care about age and such. I'm not one of freak out at birthdays, yet you can imagine my shock when guys 54 and 55 started popping up. Clearly these sites had lost their mind. I mean, that's old.

So with great indignation, I went into my account to correct this horrible mistake to find that...

Oh yeah, I'm 45 now. Ergo, ten years older is 55.

Yikes! That's a wake-up call.

And I must take a moment and apologize to my over 50 year old male friends. You must be in some other kind of 50s category. You look older than you once did, I mean you aren't drinking a magic elixir, but you look like a normal person.

Not Santa Claus or Old Man Time.

Really, taking a picture next to a Harley doesn't make you look younger, it makes me worry about you breaking a hip.

Okay, then the worst news. I normally only date 5 years younger than myself which now means the entire 30s are out for me. Every one in my search is over 40.

Seriously when did this happen? I can't even look at a thirty-something without guilt I'm robbing from the cradle.

After perusing several geriatric profiles, I decided to dare to dip into those forbidden 39 year olds. Okay, now they look like Grecian Gods. They have hair and can still pull off stubble.


And the worst realization? In just 5 short years those ten years older will be 60!

Okay, my life goal is now to invent a time machine. #period #endofstatement