Sunday, January 30, 2011
I used to dislike memories. Or at least the ones I tended to dwell on. They were not pleasant. But even when I would stumble upon a happy memory, I braced and got nearly stiffer over those, spending all my time trying to stuff it back down again.
It was like they were almost worse for reminding me what I had that I had 'lost.'
If you've read my blog for any length of time (which, um, I commend you for sticking it out so long #clearly #thereissomethingwrongwithyou ;-), you will have read my blogs about Gary and such.
And then this year I lost not one beloved pet, not two, but three. Of course they were all around the same age and lived long, healthy lives, they just all decided to depart within months of each other (if you would like to read more about my pets, head over to @pupsinteacups and there is a "The Band is Back Together" blog here).
I honestly, thought, how am I going to get through this? The last two occurred during the holiday season, already a tough one for me.
But the most wonderful thing has happened. I am grieving. Actual real grieving. And it turns out actual healthy grieving isn't about balling up in a corner and sobbing until you run out of tears.
Sure there is crying, but there is also remembrance. There is also remembering the good times, and without shying away. To remember the good with the not so good and not either shove it down or alternatively CLING to the good. To let it all flow over you and let it carry you to a happier place.
I love my memories now. And I realized that I have held back so many wonderful stories about Gary and all the other people and pets I have lost because it just hurt too much to remember them.
Well, not any more. I know it won't be perfect, but now if a memory or story comes up I am going to try to not fight it, but let it well up inside and fill me with joy. A misty joy (kind of like the picture above) perhaps, but joy none the less! :-)
But don't worry, I will still obsess over pink and have way deeper feelings for lasagna than I should #cuz #thatisjusthowIroll
And don't forget that today is the LAST day of the Blog Tour de Force! That's right, this is the last chance for you to enter to win the Grand Prize of a KINDLE! #holycow
So hop on over to the Indie Book Collective's blog and enter! #doit #now #hurry #beforeyouforget... #again :-)