Sunday, August 8, 2010

I must be sending out that 'desperate' vibe...



In abundance!

Alright, let me set the stage for you (um, right off the bat you should realize I have a bizarre life if the vast majority of talking about it requires stage setting! :-)

Anyway, I am out boogie boarding. (If you are new to this blog, yes I am forty-five and go out with the 13 year olds and boogie board and do ninja moves. For more on that click here).

So anyway I am out pretty deep. The surf is pretty quiet so I mainly floating around, riding some swells, getting ready for my debut as a martial arts actor. You know, just the usual.

Now there are some southern swells that can come from the side and well, knock you over then roll you around for a minute if you aren't watching closely (clearly I figured this out by NOT watching closely but that's another blog).

So I'm floating/playing when I see a HUGE southern swell coming my way. Quickly I start to get up onto my board and turn towards the wave when something under the water WHACKS my legs out from under me.

I tip over backward, bringing my board with me and get churned by the wave.

Now, whatever hit me was smooth so I know it isn't a shark, but still what the HELL???

I right myself as quickly as I can and look further down the swell and there is something really BIG and dark a few feet away.

It's seaweed. It's gotta be seaweed I tell myself.

But then the thing rolls over and eyes me.

It's a SEAL!

He looks at me with a kind of 'hey there. Whatch you doin' kind of face.

Then he turns more fully and realizes "Wait! You're a human!"

And I SWEAR to you on my mother's grave that he panics, makes a 90 degree turn and jets off back into the ocean.

Again, what the hell????????

I make my own 90 degree turn towards the shore and swim like my life depended upon it.

I mean, if I can fool an amorous seal (with my Rubenesque figure and all) into thinking I am a seal, I bet a shark could figure that as well!

Making back to shore safely, everyone is asking me if I was okay and whether or not that was a shark (we've had lots of sightings in the past month but none close to the surf).

No, I explain, it was a seal.

Oh... But what was it doing with you?

Um... Ya... I have a series of blogs that you need to read to set the stage. LOL


Thanks for reading!

During the close of summer I am going to take a little blog break, but don't fear there will still be stuff for you to read.

I have put together three blogs of my most weird, awkward, or downright strange first dates ever.

I hope you enjoy and in September I will be back with 'live' blogging!

Until then you can also read my novel (under my pen name @CristynWest) Plain Jane!
There are no seals, but lots of murder so make sure you are in the mood for a Patterson Style thriller.

You can read 50 pages for FREE here...

And if turns out to be truly thrilling and you wish to purchase the entire book, use this 50% off coupon code: RH88E at check out!

Thanks so much for stopping by and see you next week! #ish :-)

8 comments:

  1. So glad it was not a shark! I think I would have headed for the shore, too. Enjoy your blog break!

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  2. You met Seal? In the ocean? Awesome.







    Oh. A seal. My bad.

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  3. We will of course miss your humorous musings but will somehow survive a few weeks. I guess.

    Glad the seal was just a seal. JP & I encountered a marlin once while snorkeling in BVI, much to the amusement of some locals as I left him in the dust. I haven't been back in the ocean since.

    Course I think that 'under the sea' stuff is really all alien life forms from another planet. They should stay where they live and I should stay where I live. That way we all shall live in peace.

    Yea, I'm weird. #shutup

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  4. That's cool, also scary, also awesome - enjoy the break!

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  5. The ocean is so bittersweet. You can totally be enjoying yourself, while simultaneously fearing the 'unknown' below you.

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  6. You'll be missed, but enjoy your break!

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  7. That is HILARIOUS.

    Don't take the rejection personally, though. He's probably just not ready for a relationship ... and there are other fish in the sea :-)

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  8. You'll be missed, but enjoy your break!

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