Sunday, August 15, 2010
Internet Dating - A Blasphemy?
Um, if my 10+ years of it are any indication... Yes :-)
I hate to say it because I am sure there are lots of nice, sweet, genuine guys on internet dating sites... I just haven't met any!
So when people suggest that I should join 'Match.com' I simultaneously want to cry, strangle them or order a double shot of Strawberry Malt. #becausethatishowIroll
Now once, at the height of my desperation, I mean search, I dated 40 guys in 30 days. Yes, that means two dates on some days. And yes, I was a glutton for punishment.
I never got past the 1st date on ANY of them.
Why? I am SOOOOO glad you asked :-)
With enough internet first dates under my belt, I am ready to announce they come in categories.
The first is the "look nothing like their profile picture.'
I don't get it. Are you completely deluded and think you look like you did 20 years ago or you think I am dumb enough to not notice you look ABSOLUTELY nothing like your picture?
I mean should I give these guys credit for at least using an old picture of themselves rather than a hot photo?
Um, no. At least I could have oogled a fake hot pic. But really, I am sorry, even you 15 years ago wasn't all THAT great.
The next story I swear on all that his holy (Ding Dongs and french fries) it is true. #promise
I talked to a guy on-line. He seemed nice enough. His pic was average. He had dark hair, was a little out of shape and looked late thirties/early forties and said he was 39.
I get to the date and looked around. Nope. The guy wasn't there. Guess I got stood up.
Then a guy comes from the bar and says "Carolyn?"
I turn around to find a WHITE haired guy with literally enough wrinkles to qualify him as a Sharpei. I mean, think SANTA CLAUS on a bad day. He HAD to be at least 60.
I instinctively answered 'No, sorry.'
Dear God, now that awkward moment. I DO look exactly like my picture so he knows it is me. He looks absolutely NOTHING like his picture yet I know it is him.
Thank goodness it was at a restaurant where I knew the hostess who sees this go down and she says, "Ma'ame your table is ready."
I mean, I feel bad, but what else do you do besides ask if the guy is smoking crack?
And he wasn't the first one. I had a guy who literally told me after I asked him if that was his picture on-line that it was his younger brother's. I'm like... WHAT?
Another guy admitted he had 're-touched' and 'air-brushed' his photo. Um. Why? I ask WHY???
Is it too much to ask to meet a guy who doesn't have to PhotoShop his profile pic?
Um, yes, I guess it is! :-)
Don't forget Plain Jane is out (my Patterson-style thriller). It is pretty cool you can read 50 pages for free here.
And if you dig those pages here is a coupon for 50% off! RH88E (that makes it less than a buck fifty for an entire kick book!)