Sunday, August 15, 2010

Internet Dating - A Blasphemy?



Um, if my 10+ years of it are any indication... Yes :-)

I hate to say it because I am sure there are lots of nice, sweet, genuine guys on internet dating sites... I just haven't met any!

So when people suggest that I should join 'Match.com' I simultaneously want to cry, strangle them or order a double shot of Strawberry Malt. #becausethatishowIroll

Now once, at the height of my desperation, I mean search, I dated 40 guys in 30 days. Yes, that means two dates on some days. And yes, I was a glutton for punishment.

I never got past the 1st date on ANY of them.

Why? I am SOOOOO glad you asked :-)

With enough internet first dates under my belt, I am ready to announce they come in categories.

The first is the "look nothing like their profile picture.'

I don't get it. Are you completely deluded and think you look like you did 20 years ago or you think I am dumb enough to not notice you look ABSOLUTELY nothing like your picture?

I mean should I give these guys credit for at least using an old picture of themselves rather than a hot photo?

Um, no. At least I could have oogled a fake hot pic. But really, I am sorry, even you 15 years ago wasn't all THAT great.

The next story I swear on all that his holy (Ding Dongs and french fries) it is true. #promise

I talked to a guy on-line. He seemed nice enough. His pic was average. He had dark hair, was a little out of shape and looked late thirties/early forties and said he was 39.

I get to the date and looked around. Nope. The guy wasn't there. Guess I got stood up.

Then a guy comes from the bar and says "Carolyn?"

I turn around to find a WHITE haired guy with literally enough wrinkles to qualify him as a Sharpei. I mean, think SANTA CLAUS on a bad day. He HAD to be at least 60.

I instinctively answered 'No, sorry.'

Dear God, now that awkward moment. I DO look exactly like my picture so he knows it is me. He looks absolutely NOTHING like his picture yet I know it is him.

Thank goodness it was at a restaurant where I knew the hostess who sees this go down and she says, "Ma'ame your table is ready."

I mean, I feel bad, but what else do you do besides ask if the guy is smoking crack?

And he wasn't the first one. I had a guy who literally told me after I asked him if that was his picture on-line that it was his younger brother's. I'm like... WHAT?

Another guy admitted he had 're-touched' and 'air-brushed' his photo. Um. Why? I ask WHY???

Is it too much to ask to meet a guy who doesn't have to PhotoShop his profile pic?

Um, yes, I guess it is! :-)


Don't forget Plain Jane is out (my Patterson-style thriller). It is pretty cool you can read 50 pages for free here.
And if you dig those pages here is a coupon for 50% off! RH88E (that makes it less than a buck fifty for an entire kick book!)

7 comments:

  1. 40 dates in 30 days sounds like a movie title, also reminds us of a random episode of Gidget involving 2 dates in one night, but we digress. May have been good to go out with Santa, you'd get more presents then, right? :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are a brave woman! 40 dates in 30 days...I would buy the book :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Back in the day... I attempted internet dating. It can be such an awkward situation 99.9% of the time. The MOST awkward part is the initial shock of seeing one another in real life... the picture never matches the human.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I completely agree, most of the times, the people who come to meet after internet dating will not look like the same as they have posted photos in the internet dating sites & forum.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Personally I don't take the volume dating approach to online dating. Maybe because I've had a couple of stalker-like women encounters, one that went to the extent of tire flattening & posting bathroom wall material online; I've become much more choosy! And I've met a few very nice women-turned-friends, so bonus bucks there.

    Finally, to toot my own horn slightly...a couple have even said that my pic didn't do me justice. So that's where using the hunchback pic worked in my favor! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Personally I don't take the volume dating approach to online dating. Maybe because I've had a couple of stalker-like women encounters, one that went to the extent of tire flattening & posting bathroom wall material online; I've become much more choosy! And I've met a few very nice women-turned-friends, so bonus bucks there.

    Finally, to toot my own horn slightly...a couple have even said that my pic didn't do me justice. So that's where using the hunchback pic worked in my favor! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. 40 dates in 30 days sounds like a movie title, also reminds us of a random episode of Gidget involving 2 dates in one night, but we digress. May have been good to go out with Santa, you'd get more presents then, right? :)

    ReplyDelete