Sunday, August 8, 2010

I must be sending out that 'desperate' vibe...

In abundance!

Alright, let me set the stage for you (um, right off the bat you should realize I have a bizarre life if the vast majority of talking about it requires stage setting! :-)

Anyway, I am out boogie boarding. (If you are new to this blog, yes I am forty-five and go out with the 13 year olds and boogie board and do ninja moves. For more on that click here).

So anyway I am out pretty deep. The surf is pretty quiet so I mainly floating around, riding some swells, getting ready for my debut as a martial arts actor. You know, just the usual.

Now there are some southern swells that can come from the side and well, knock you over then roll you around for a minute if you aren't watching closely (clearly I figured this out by NOT watching closely but that's another blog).

So I'm floating/playing when I see a HUGE southern swell coming my way. Quickly I start to get up onto my board and turn towards the wave when something under the water WHACKS my legs out from under me.

I tip over backward, bringing my board with me and get churned by the wave.

Now, whatever hit me was smooth so I know it isn't a shark, but still what the HELL???

I right myself as quickly as I can and look further down the swell and there is something really BIG and dark a few feet away.

It's seaweed. It's gotta be seaweed I tell myself.

But then the thing rolls over and eyes me.

It's a SEAL!

He looks at me with a kind of 'hey there. Whatch you doin' kind of face.

Then he turns more fully and realizes "Wait! You're a human!"

And I SWEAR to you on my mother's grave that he panics, makes a 90 degree turn and jets off back into the ocean.

Again, what the hell????????

I make my own 90 degree turn towards the shore and swim like my life depended upon it.

I mean, if I can fool an amorous seal (with my Rubenesque figure and all) into thinking I am a seal, I bet a shark could figure that as well!

Making back to shore safely, everyone is asking me if I was okay and whether or not that was a shark (we've had lots of sightings in the past month but none close to the surf).

No, I explain, it was a seal.

Oh... But what was it doing with you?

Um... Ya... I have a series of blogs that you need to read to set the stage. LOL

Thanks for reading!

During the close of summer I am going to take a little blog break, but don't fear there will still be stuff for you to read.

I have put together three blogs of my most weird, awkward, or downright strange first dates ever.

I hope you enjoy and in September I will be back with 'live' blogging!

Until then you can also read my novel (under my pen name @CristynWest) Plain Jane!
There are no seals, but lots of murder so make sure you are in the mood for a Patterson Style thriller.

You can read 50 pages for FREE here...

And if turns out to be truly thrilling and you wish to purchase the entire book, use this 50% off coupon code: RH88E at check out!

Thanks so much for stopping by and see you next week! #ish :-)


  1. So glad it was not a shark! I think I would have headed for the shore, too. Enjoy your blog break!

  2. You met Seal? In the ocean? Awesome.

    Oh. A seal. My bad.

  3. We will of course miss your humorous musings but will somehow survive a few weeks. I guess.

    Glad the seal was just a seal. JP & I encountered a marlin once while snorkeling in BVI, much to the amusement of some locals as I left him in the dust. I haven't been back in the ocean since.

    Course I think that 'under the sea' stuff is really all alien life forms from another planet. They should stay where they live and I should stay where I live. That way we all shall live in peace.

    Yea, I'm weird. #shutup

  4. That's cool, also scary, also awesome - enjoy the break!

  5. The ocean is so bittersweet. You can totally be enjoying yourself, while simultaneously fearing the 'unknown' below you.

  6. You'll be missed, but enjoy your break!

  7. That is HILARIOUS.

    Don't take the rejection personally, though. He's probably just not ready for a relationship ... and there are other fish in the sea :-)

  8. You'll be missed, but enjoy your break!