Memories #poignancyalert

I used to dislike memories.  Or at least the ones I tended to dwell on.  They were not pleasant. But even when I would stumble upon a happy memory, I braced and got nearly stiffer over those, spending all my time trying to stuff it back down again.

It was like they were almost worse for reminding me what I had that I had 'lost.'

If you've read my blog for any length of time (which, um, I commend you for sticking it out so long #clearly #thereissomethingwrongwithyou ;-), you will have read my blogs about Gary and such.

And then this year I lost not one beloved pet, not two, but three. Of course they were all around the same age and lived long, healthy lives, they just all decided to depart within months of each other (if you would like to read more about my pets, head over to @pupsinteacups and there is a "The Band is Back Together" blog here).

I honestly, thought, how am I going to get through this? The last two occurred during the holiday season, already a tough one for me.

But the most wonderful thing has happened. I am grieving. Actual real grieving. And it turns out actual healthy grieving isn't about balling up in a corner and sobbing until you run out of tears.

Sure there is crying, but there is also remembrance. There is also remembering the good times, and without shying away. To remember the good with the not so good and not either shove it down or alternatively CLING to the good.  To let it all flow over you and let it carry you to a happier place.

I love my memories now. And I realized that I have held back so many wonderful stories about Gary and all the other people and pets I have lost because it just hurt too much to remember them.

Well, not any more. I know it won't be perfect, but now if a memory or story comes up I am going to try to not fight it, but let it well up inside and fill me with joy. A misty joy (kind of like the picture above) perhaps, but joy none the less! :-)

But don't worry, I will still obsess over pink and have way deeper feelings for lasagna than I should #cuz #thatisjusthowIroll

And don't forget that today is the LAST day of the Blog Tour de Force!  That's right, this is the last chance for you to enter to win the Grand Prize of a KINDLE! #holycow

So hop on over to the Indie Book Collective's blog and enter! #doit #now #hurry #beforeyouforget... #again :-)

Rain....

Rain, rain... stay today and never, ever go away!

I believe I might have a fictitious mental disorder "Reverse Seasonal Affect."  The grayer it is, the happier I am.

Because, in short, the sun bums me out.  Besides the whole photosynthesis thing, do we really need to see the sun? #really

Can't it impart its radiation through thick cloud cover? #seriously #theresgottobeaway

You would think that rain would frustrate me with all the dogs.  I mean they HATE water falling from the sky.  It is just wrong.

But even standing out in a soaking wet yard, with rain drops beating on my head, I am happy.  Yes, I am yelling at the dogs to get their business done and I have to change my pants from sitting on the sopping wet patio chair, but I am good.

Everyday after a long stretch of rain, my co-workers ask "Had enough rain yet?"

Um, no, actually I haven't.

And let's be clear, I like every different kind of rain.  Just like Eskimos have a 100 different words for snow, I embrace every type of precipitation.

Drizzle is nice.  It coats my eyelashes without making the dogs dodge in terror from the rain drops.

A sudden shower is a beautiful surprise filling the air with that charged scent (and knocking all the damned pollen out of the air, but that's for another blog)

And even though the dogs may cower under the bed during a thunderstorm, I'm at the window, my nose pressed against the pain, taking it all in.

So if you are rushing down the street, your hood pulled over your head, trying to get out of a down pour and you see a woman (I would imagine in pink) strolling along, smiling... that would probably be me :-)

And yes, this has been an uncommonly upbeat and hopeful blog post #dontgetusedtoit :-)

Also, don't forget to check out Keta Diablo's "Where The Rain Is Made."  She is today's stop on the Blog Tour de Force (click here to view her site).  To learn more about this amazing blog tour (it ain't your Grandma's blog tour, that's for sure!) check out www.blogtourdeforce.com

Remember, that every entry on every stop of the tour is an entry into the Grand Prize drawing for a Kindle!

And to celebrate the Blog Tour de Force, I am once again giving away a FREE copy of "HeartsBlood" to anyone who comments below!  #yippeeeee :-)

Blog Tour de Force

Stop #1 HeartsBlood!

That's right, people!

The Blog Tour de Force has officially begun and this little ole blog is where the fun begins!

For any of you who have been living in a cave, I am one of the founders of the @IndieBookIBC plus I write a bunch of stuff. And I would love a bunch of people to read my bunch of stuff. So with @amberscootbooks, @rachelintheoc and @LMStull we threw together the mother of all blog tours!

"Get Loaded...Your eBook reader that is"

That's right, 12 authors banded together to put together a Grand Prize package that includes... wait for it... a Kindle!

That's right, you can win a Kindle and not only that but have it loaded with all 12 authors books plus a gift basket filled with gifts from each author.

Even the 1st Prize is off the hook with all 12 authors giving your their eBook for free! And those are just the overall prizes.

Each stop on the way will have its own set of prizes from the author. Free eBooks. Free signed paperback copies. Individual gift baskets. You name it, it'll probably be given away!

But, let's get back to me #myfavoritetopic

Today we are celebrating my paranormal romance/urban fantasy "HeartsBlood"

How would I describe it? Um... how about I let a few reviewers do it for me?

“Oh. Dear. God. I loved HeartsBlood!

When I was reading it, I couldn't put it down. When I wasn't reading it it was all I could think about. I loved that I couldn't figure out what was coming next. The plot was truly spellbinding.

Seriously, I laughed, I cried, I worried. And when I finished the book I wanted to pick it back up and start from the beginning again.”

Lori W. (@funkycakes)

“HeartsBlood is a paranormal romance? I hate to argue with Carolyn, but this is a kick-but-and-take-names urban fantasy. No, it is a thriller. Wait. I think it might be an action packed story of love and magic that defies classification!

I fear only women will read HeartsBlood when it was one of the most exciting thrillers I have read in a long while!

Guys, take note HeartsBlood is for you too!”

Ben Hopkin (@actingnodrama)

Also please check out my review sponsors...

ParaYourNormal

BrighterScribe

Fade into Fantasy

ThrillersRockTwitter

Mark of the Stars

YourNeedToRead

I Eat Words

Bonnie Gene Adams

I really appreciate all their kind words! Please check each and every one of them out for their opinion of "HeartsBlood" (because Lord knows you shouldn't trust me!) plus find even more ways to enter the Grand Prize Drawing for that "Loaded Kindle!"

So Amber told me I needed to write something really pithy and fun for this blog. You know, something I hadn't told any other reviewer. That I really needed to hit it out of the park.

Obviously she has never read anything previous on this blog otherwise she would have known it was a lost cause (and thank gawd I am going first so you can't judge me against the others!).

But what I can say is... If Tyr (the uber-hot, stubbled, tall, dark and dangerous hero from HeartsBlood) came walking down the street...

a) I would swoon

b) He would step over my unconscious body

c) I would be okay with that!

The other really cool thing about the Blog Tour de Force is that I got meet a lot of really great other indie authors. The first I'd like to mention is Kris Tualla. Her "A Matter of Principle" is historical fiction at its best.

The third in her series, you are going to love the chemistry and romance of Nicholas and Sydney. Set in St. Louis during the 1800s, the plot unfolds like a delicious meal. Tempting tidbits of mystery to start, building to an incredibly satisfying conclusion, with, of course, a silky smooth dessert to finish it all off with.

You are going to want to immediately go out and buy books 1 & 2!  I know I did! 

"A Matter of Principle's" Blog Tour day is tomorrow 1/18 so hit her up here! #seriously #Iwillbewatching

Then there is Susan Schreyer's "Death by a Dark Horse." Being a veterinarian you can imagine how hooked I was by a book with one of the main characters being a horse suspected of murder! I mean, come on! I get to use my veterinary and my love of police procedure to solve a crime! How often does that happen #notnearlyenough

Even if you aren't a horsey-girl like myself, I think you will find the complicated relationships and exquisite mystery more than satisfying in and of itself.

Susan's blog day is January 29th. Mark your calendars so you can hit her up here (or better yet sign up for our newsletter so you don't have to 'remember' anything! Get a daily reminder along with author news and super secret BONUS ways to enter the Kindle give away!).

Also don't forget that the tour will conclude at the Indie Book Collective on January 31st with an incredible scavenger hunt for loads of different ways to enter the Grand Prize drawing for that free Kindle!

Plus you can go to www.blogtourdeforce.com and sign up for our newsletter - just that alone gets you 5 entries into the drawing for brand spanking new Kindle, plus you get fun content from the authors and EXCLUSIVE ways to rack up lots of entries! Sign up NOW!

But what about HeartsBlood you ask? What spectacular prizes are you giving away TODAY?

Why, I am so glad you asked!!!

First off, anyone who follows this blog and leaves a comment (even 'yo, Carolyn') gets a free eBook! #howawesomeisthat

Second my gift basket is in my opinion, kicks some serious booty!

Not only do you get a free eBook, but you also get a signed paperback copy of "HeartsBlood" along with a gift basket that includes some blood red nail polish (for obvious reasons), a cut crystal necklace just like the one in "Heartsblood," and a hand-stained and burned-in leather bookmark. A truly unique keepsake! And a "Hello Kitty" pen, just to keep it real. #Iamsuchagiver

How do you enter for the "HeartsBlood" gift basket? Simple!

Simply go to smashwords.com and download your free 100 pages. Then simply leave a comment with your favorite line from pages 24-30! #toldyouitwassimple!

Oh, and did I mention that I need your help to kick the other author's butts? Because for us authors there is a free book trailer at stake! And I know how much you want me to be the proud winner! So please remember to go the the Indie Book Collective blog on Jan 31st and vote for me!!! #youknowyouwanna :-)

Alright, I am going to wrap this puppy up with a great big THANK YOU to all my readers, hope you enjoy "HeartsBlood" and I can hardly wait to see who wins my gift basket!

Turns out... I am a Squirrel

Weird, right? (but not entirely unexpected).

Yes, I had this sad realization the other day when I was talking to my boss about my new office.

I thought that I was a well educated, but slightly goofy human.  Nope, it turns out I have been a squirrel this whole time.

You see this came up as we were discussing the new clinic we are moving into.  I get my own office!

Awesome, right?  I was so excited, chattering on (which might have been another sign of my inner squirrel heritage, but moving on) about how excited I was.

Then my boss said, "Wait, I am not sure if we are going to have locking cabinets.  Why would you need to lock the cabinets?"

Um... duh... to stash my food.

"What do you mean stash your food?"

You know all my chips and snacks and... well... you guess it.... nuts.

Yep the only reason I cared about having my own office was not for privacy or for the status or even the fact my internet browser won't have porn on it.  Nope, it was so I could... squirrel away even more food.

Luckily my boss just shook her head and laughed, "Locking cabinets it is!"

I then scurried away happy as can be, dug around in my purse found some Ritz crackers and nibbled on them in my excitement.

Yes, it is time to simply accept it.  I am a squirrel. It makes it so much easier than finding another excuse for all the chittering :-)

Don't do Resolutions! Do Normalizations!

I mean, come on. At my age I am not going to change that much.

So I could go through the whole New Year's Resolution thing, then hang my head in shame... like later today when I eat that cookie.

Or I thought I could do a New Year's Normalization!  How about I stop worrying about improving and try to just keep myself above water?

Let's take "be a better person."  This year, this year I just want to not be a worse person. Don't get grumpier. Don't get pissed off at the current generation (any more than I do now).  Try to not develop road rage.

Those are lofty goals too, right?

This year another 'Normalization' is to only break one bone this year.  Yes, I know a silly thing to have to say but since I broke two last year, I figure just 1 this year is getting me closer to that golden 'no bones broken' normal goal.

In terms of eating.  Sure I could give up sugar or molasses or lasagna, but we all know how that goes (now for Lent, that is a totally different story).

So my 'normalization' for this year is to NOT find a new food I just can't live without.  Because let's face it.  If I add another 'favorite' food to my already exceptionally long list of favs, I will never get out of Costco (cuz if you are going to buy a fav food, buy it in BULK - wait I might want to make a 'normalization' around that too #nah)!

Yes, this year I resolve to not slip further down the slippery slope of... everything.

Will you join me in this new movement to 'normalization?' #hehehe #Isaidmovement #darn #alreadybeingsillierthanlastyear