What the… (aka what the 25 yr old Carolyn would say to the 45 yr old Carolyn)

I think that 25 yr old Carolyn would be in for a shock if she ever met the 45yr old Carolyn. I mean, back then we were YOUNG, married (miserable but not even realizing we were miserable yet), a veterinary ER jockey, and pretty damn full of ourselves.

She would be… We’re single? For 7 f-ing years (yeah, she cussed A LOT). We are doing regular day-time boring practice? Only 3 days a week? Have you lost your ever-f-ing mind?

She worked so hard to become so good. I can see why she’s kind of pissed. She must feel ike the 45yr old Carolyn is spitting on all her efforts.

But I think after her initial shock, (okay after secondary shock and tertiary shock and a few nights to sleep on it), that 25 yr old Carolyn would see our life is pretty awesome.

You know, except for the whole OLD, and being SINGLE thing (I don't think she will ever accept those). But the beach house, yah, I think she’d like that. The pack of dogs we have, yah, she would groove to that as well.

And the writing? Given the fact she had been forced to walk away from a PhD in Comp Lit and a job at a publishing house, I think she’d break down and cry that the 45yr old Carolyn is now writing. And writing professionally? I think it might make her heart break in two. Or mend the pieces back together.

How I wish I could go back and talk to that 25 yr old version of myself.

Or wait, if we’ve got an f’ing time machine (the 25yr old’s rubbing off on me), I’d go back to the 15 yr old Carolyn.

I’d tell her, everything’s going to be fine.

Yeah, we end up OLD and SINGLE, but happy. Really, really, really happy (all of my blog rants to the contrary).

I’d tell that 15yr old Carolyn (because I think she would actually listen to me compared to the 25yr old) to take better care of our spine and joints, we might need those sucker in 30 years.

I’d tell her to not worry about being a virgin. It's really about love. If you are well loved the sex will come when the sex comes.

I’d tell her to listen to her amazing teachers and supportive mentors and not to her ney-sayers.

I’d tell her that I love her. She can make all the mistakes she wants. We'll figure it out, don't worry so much.

Actually I think that 15 yr old and I have more in common than that poor, workaholic 25 yr old does.

She had everything f’ing going on, on the outside, and was dying on the inside.

So I'm gonna let that 25yr old Carolyn cuss all she wants, because right now, how our lives turned out, I wouldn’t change an f’ing thing!