Monday, October 18, 2010
The World Shook
On October 17th, 1989 two tectonic plates rubbed together and shattered my world.
Or at least that is how it felt.
Most people remember the Santa Cruz Earthquake (7.1) because it happened during the Bay Bridge World Series (SF Giants vs Oakland A's).
What most people don't know is for that destruction only 12 people died during the quake itself.
I knew 4 of them.
And not to say that I didn't love my uncle and two other cousins, but on that day I lost the single most important person in the world... Gary.
I won't go into depth the difficulty of my childhood. Just know the only reason I survived it was because of Gary.
Sure there was some weirdness. He was 16 years older than me. He was gay (but way, Way, WAY in the closet). And we were betrothed. #minordetails
But that doesn't mean he didn't love me unconditionally. That doesn't mean he didn't teach me about light and love. That doesn't mean I don't miss him every single day.
The only way I survived his death on that October day was to pretend it didn't happen. I insulated myself in a bubble of denial and lived like that for years... well actually over a decade.
But as all bubbles must at some point, it burst and I was left with the whole in my heart had been filled with love and laughter from Gary.
I think this is the first year where I am actually moving through it, fully aware he is gone and grieving.
I would love to say I am embracing Halloween (his favorite holiday and one that we celebrated together like an anniversary) but I am not there yet.
Grief still swirls around this season, clouding my vision with tears and catching breath in my chest.
But just writing this blog has helped loosen some of the pain. I truly wanted to find some place of humor in here, but I am just not feeling it.
I know Gary would have wanted me to share all of our stories of adventure and daring do. He would have wanted you to laugh and know he was the funniest of funny people (Dana Carvy, a good friend of his certainly thought so), but today all's I can do is miss him.
Thank you for reading and I promise to delight you next week with a classic craftycmc Halloween story (brought to you, of course, courtesy of Gary :-)