Sunday, June 20, 2010
So you think I couldn't embarrass myself any worse!
How wrong you are!!!
Because I am here to tell you that I reached an all new high (actually a low, but we will get to that in a minute) this week.
Let me set the scene for you...
I'm going out to walk the dogs on the beach.
Hmmm... Should I put on nice, matching clothes, or a BRA even?
Nah, who am I going to meet on the walk? #yes #thatwasmyfirstmistake
So out I go, hair awry, in oddly shaped gray yoga pants (yes, more oddly shaped than normal - the butt is saggy enough it looks like I might be carrying a load, but oh so comfortable), an orange Daffy Duck tee-shirt and Hello Kitty pink jacket.
I make it past the 1st half. So far so good. I am loving how quickly I got out to the house (you know without taking the time to find matching clothes or brush my hair) and how comfy my pants are.
As I start the walk back, a guy #ok #fine #asuperhotguy has come down to the waterline to throw the ball into the surf for his Labrador.
Now I notice that the Lab isn't too friendly with other dogs.
Crap, crap, crap. My dogs aren't good with other dogs that aren't too friendly.
But, this guy is so cute. And so age appropriate. And doesn't have a wedding ring (hey, I may not brush my hair, but I do carry my binoculars. I'm not dead after all.)
I'm about to avoid him by walking far up the beach, when I realize, wait a minute. This is why I am freaking single! I avoid interaction, rather than making the most of it.
And yes, I do realize that was my second mistake.
So I time it out perfectly. How long it takes for the dog to swim out to get the ball then swim back.
I know, I just know, that I can get in there, say 'Hi,' and a bit of small talk and get out of there before the dog hits the shore.
#Yes #Mistake #3
So there I go, all oddly-yoga panted and fly away hair, but hey, I am going to talk to a guy!
Our eyes meet. He smiles and looks to my dogs. He makes some comments about how cute they are. I respond back in kind.
Now I'm a little fuzzy on the details since I have retro-grade amnesia but somehow I get to the point where I say...
"Yes, I'm a veterinarian."
Now, I swear on all that is holy, the SECOND that I said that I was an animal professional, a HUGE wave comes in, crashing over me and my dogs... and carries in the unfriendly Labrador.
In a single second I am now drenched, the dogs are fighting, and my two entangle me in their leashes and knock me to my hands and knees.
There is screaming. There is barking and snarling. And there is me, crawling away.
I honestly don't know what happened to the cute guy and his dog, because I am telling you, I just kept CRAWLING, wet and horrified until I made it around the breaker.
Needless to say, I have never seen him again. #thankgod
Also needless to say, I am never ever listening to those voices that say 'oh come, on what could it hurt to say hello" EVER again.
#or #well #untilthenexttime
And don't forget my novel Plain Jane is out! I am looking for a few #ok #fine #alot of reviewers so if you have a blog/review site (or just want to read the book and Tweet about it) head over to Smashwords (http://bit.ly/b60jVe) and read over 25% of the book for free. I mean come on... #itcantgetbetterthanthat