I should bathe more frequently...

And not for the obvious hygeine issues (although, some days working from home... LOL).

No, what I find is that laying there in the water, my hair swirling around my face, I think more clearly.

The worries and frustrations seep away and I am left with clarity.

Suddenly problems that have vexed me, are resolved.  Ideas that have been percolating in the back of my mind, come surging to the forefront, ready for action.

I wish I could say that I am great at meditating.  That before bed or in the middle of the day I can sit back, relax and find this focus.

No, there is something magical between the water and myself.  Something happens that insulates me from the chaotic, hectic life I normally lead.  Let me be clear.  I do not light candles, turn off the lights and create a sacred space.

Nope, I am usually in a hurry, late for work, rushing to get ready.

Yet each time, no matter how my body wants to race forward, there is a magical moment when my mind balks and whispers quietly... stay... rest a while.

So from now on, I think I am going to make sure to savor the baths I take every day (okay, every other day... fine you caught me, every three days #hopefully) :-)

Writing... Um... what's the end result?

In the olden days (read three years ago), you shopped this manuscript around to agents and publishers and crossed your fingers that it sold.  If it didn't... um... #crap  That manuscript was dead in the water.  You might as well stash it in a drawer, weep softly then start writing the next one (whose fate more than likely would be the same).

Oh sure, you could VANITY PRESS.  But, um, with a name like that and the stigma attached to it, who wanted to do that?

Then the digital revolution happened.  Amazon.com opened wide its 'doors,' inviting anyone to publish.

At the same time readers began flocking to digital books and avoiding the traditional brick and mortar stores (hence why Borders is practically out of business and Barnes and Noble is being sold).

The shift in the publishing world cannot be overstated.

And the biggest beneficiary. beyond the reader who know can shop from the comfort of their living room and start reading within moments of purchase?  The indie author.

Me.  You.  All of us.

Now I know there are a lot of stiff backs right now and hackles up, and sure last year we could have argued the merit of self-publishing, but now?  Now that the houses are clamping down on purchasing ANY books by new authors?  Now self-publishing is nearly your only option.

The Big 6 and every small publishers is hemorrhaging right now. Privately they talk about "catastrophic" declines in sales.

There has never been a worse time to try and sell a book.  And try to get a house to fork out any advertising money?  Darlin', they just don't have it.

So indie it is... or... you know... store your manuscript's file on your harddrive and start writing the next one.

Luckily many have gone before us though and shown the way and I have had a pretty good run of sales the last year (far better than the VAST majority of published (even mid-list authors) I know ($20,000 and counting this year so far).

And this week the book I wrote with my fellow Indie Book Collective's Co-founders, Amber Scott and Rachel Thompson...
"Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-Publishing" is launching.

"Dollars &  Sense" can take the indie publishing neo-phyte from manuscript to publication, using a step-by-step method.  The book walks you through making sure your work is in publishable shape, to formatting, to learning social media, to how to potentate your book sales.

And the best part?  Thru June 29th it is just 99 cents!  Crazy right?  A total blue-print for indie publishing success for less than a buck!

So if you have any hopes and dreams about publishing (even if you go traditional publishing, you are going to need to know all this info since your house EXPECTS you to know how to use social media etc to gain name recognition), hop on over to Amazon and pick up your copy! #now #Imeanit :-)

Summer Break has arrived...

Darn it!

I usually LOVE living at the beach.  I mean, who wouldn't?  It sounds so beautiful and idyllic.  Which it normally is until...

Summer Break. #godhelpme

You know all those kids cheering that they are getting out of school?  Do you know exactly where they are going to head? Um... #myhouse

Ok, maybe not all of them, but LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of them.

And it isn't even like when people visit the beach they act safe and sane.  They GO CRAZY.

Behavior they would NEVER do, they do... right in front of my bedroom window!

Um... you do realize I can see you making out/taking your bikini top off/beating up your little brother? Right?

And the trash #oy

I bet you that this summer... at least once someone will...
Pee on my car tires
Have sex under my window
Try to climb into my yard, drunkingly trying to find their car
Shoot off fireworks... for no good reason
Shout at 2am "WAHOO" for no good reason (waking the whole house up)
Walking around naked on the beach as if my windows are not facing directly at them

Oh wait.  That is a safe bet.  Why?
Because they have ALL ALREADY HAPPENED.  Yep, one week in and my checklist if complete
#helpme #pleasehelpme

So yes, this is going to be a short blog... because I have to go outside and clean up ice cream containers, sippy cups, and used prophylactics #ah #summer

Eternal Optimist...

Yes, strangely that turns out to be me. #Iknow #weird

How did I come to be called this? (well, to be honest the person said "you are either an eternal optimist or a masochist, but I chose to go with the former).

It involved Craig's List #ofcourseitdidyousay

You see it all started when I got my 'super-geeky-you-love-Lord-of-the-rings-way-too-much' newsletter from Warner Bros.  They KNOW if they put something out, I will buy it, so I get all their super secret special deals.

And low and behold I opened this email with bated breath.  I mean LOTR was so long ago.  How could they possibly have something NEW to sell me? #yetIhadmycreditcardready #becausewhateveritwas #itwasmine

I find that they are putting out the extended editions onto Blu-Ray.  Awesome, of course I pre-order them #duh

But wait...  They are putting the EXTENDED versions of the LOTR movies BACK into the THEATERS (and yes, I know I just CAPITALIZED a lot of words, but you must understand my sheer joy and lack of abandon) for 1 night each.

DEAR GOD, MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED #no #seriously #alifesdreamofmine

So I rush over to the site and scoop up 2 tickets each for each showing.

I am so happy and so content to know that I will be seeing these films... alone. #oh #crap

Yes, you see while I have such an amazing set of friends, they either live far away (Twitter is great, but gives you a bunch of long distance relationships) or they live nearby but aren't insanely in love with LOTR #weirdIknow And I wanted to go with someone INSANELY in love with LOTR so we could talk each and every delicious detail of the films.

So I automatically reach out to an on-line source.

Without thinking I write an ad on CraigsList... because clearly I confused it with Twitter and all of those nice folks.  But I knew I needed something local so I went with CL. And figured, how could I run afoul with a sweet, nice, "do you want to see LOTR with me" ad. #hencetheeternaloptomist

Um.... clearly A LOT.
I love men, but the men on CL are... um let's just say... uncouth (you can substitute, weird, gross, or horny here as well).

How an ad that mentions the term gentlemen THREE times can get you a picture of a penis, I will never know. But get them I did.  Now, I must give a few of these credit since they did name their appendages from characters from LOTR.  I have a few Legolas, Aragorn and one Gimli. #sigh

So yes, I hope to have my hope spring eternal, I may just not want to have us swimming over in the CL cesspool! :-) LOL #stillcantwaittogo #evenifalone #woot

Gratitude

As most of you know I created the Indie Book Collective to help authors figure out social media and how to sell their book.

It was been an amazing journey and I have met so many wonderful people.  We have created so many outstanding promotions, but this one...  Blog Tour de Troops is truly close to my heart.

You see this blog tour isn't about the authors really or the books, or even about you the reader.  It is about our men and women in the armed forces.  It is about getting as many books to as many troops that want them as possible.

Why is this so important to me?  Well, I grew up hearing war stories my whole life.  My great-uncle not only lied about his age but traveled to Canada to enlist to fight in World War II before the US even entered the war.  He was there on D-Day (after transferring back to the US forces once he was old enough).

I know the sacrifices he made and the scars he carried.  Then my youngest great-uncle had been drafted into the Army for Vietnam.  Long before it became PC to honor those veterans, my family was advocating for better treatment of wounded soldiers and mental health counseling for them as soon as they came home.

I remember wearing the POW bracelets and being made fun of at school for it, but I wore them anyway.

We live our lives in freedom because of the amazing and sometimes painful sacrifices that our men and women in uniform make.

And I can't tell you have proud I am that as an author, in this small way, that I can give back to our troops!

How can you help???

Super simple.  Just comment below and YOU will get a free eBook of either my Patterson-style thriller with a dash of Hannibal, Plain Jane, or my paranormal romance thriller HeartsBlood.

In addition to YOUR free eBook your comment also gets a free eBook for a troop.  You can either designate the troop of your choice or we are associated with a non-profit organization that will get the free eBook into the hands of a troop who has requested one!

How awesome is that?  Well... it gets even more awesome :-) #duh

Your comment also automatically enters you into a drawing for a new Kindle!  Plus we have multiple drawings for new Kindles for one or more soldiers (as more and more authors sign on and we get donations the more Kindles we can give away). #awesome\

While my Blog Tour de Troops day isn't until May 27th, I am accepting comments today through May 31st so feel free to comment today and to send all your family and friends to comment too!  The more comments I get, the more eBooks that go to our Troops!

I would also like to thank Toonopolis author, Jeremy Rodden for linking to me through the Blog Tour de Troops.  If you haven't visited their site, do so RIGHT NOW and get in on another free eBook (and help another solider get another great read).

Next on the Blog Tour de Troops daisy-chain of awesomeness is the amazing Nicole Galland.  Head over there RIGHT NOW to qualify for another eBook and of course win one for a troops as well!

Basically if you work the daisy-chain #ofawesomeness right, you could end up with DOZENS of high quality FREE eBooks for both you and the troops.

If that isn't showing your gratitude, I don't know what else could! #sosimple #sohelpful

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and I can't wait to see your comments.  Just simply leave a little comment on what you are grateful for, which book you are interested in, and your email address (please be sure to put it in this form so that evil bots don't find you.... Example: craftycmc at aol dot com).

Also list whether or not you would like a specific soldier to receive their free eBook (and which title).  If you do not give me the email (again in the super secret format) address for a specific soldier, I will assume that you would like the eBook donated anonymously to a needy soldier though the non-profit organization we are working with.

Again, thanks so much and if you have any questions on how this works, just leave a comment below and an easy way to reach you (twitter handle, email, FB page) and I will get back to you!

I can't even get_____ right!

Ok, so I am heading out to Austin and have learned with my bad back one of the best things I can do is get a massage the day before.  You know loosen everything up, get the lactic acid out of my muscles.

Great plan.  Then of course I have to execute it.

I don't know of any massage places in the area, so I just go to the one closest to my work.  It LOOKED clean and respectable.

My first clue might have been the fact there was only one person in the building and she was listening to rap music.  Nothing says relaxation like rap.

But as soon as I walked in, she turned it down and apologized... I think.  Not to be insensitive but there was a massive language barrier.

I should have inquired into prices then left.  Clearly in hind sight this could not have gone any other way, but I only have a few minutes left on my lunch hour and I really want a massage, so I convince myself everything is cool.

After some pointing and gesticulating we figure out that a half hour massage is $30 and a full hour is $50.  I opt for the 1/2 (the ONLY smart move I made since entering the building).

We go back to the room which again, looks very nice and an average massage room. She turns on ocean sounds.  Okay, maybe this will be fine.

I get undressed, get under the sheet, she comes back...

And strangely asks me... "Do you want a massage?"

Um, I am naked and face down on this table.  What the heck else would I want.  So only after I say "yes" do I realize that there ARE other kinds of massages.  The kind that I do NOT want.

So I try to clarify saying I just want a 'normal' massage.  A 'relaxing' massage and all she keeps doing is nodding her head says "Okay, okay."

Dear god, what have I gotten myself into?

Then she puts the tiniest amount of massage oil into her hands and proceeds with the massage.  She does not EVER get more oil.  And her massage technique is well...

Bracing.  Fast.  Vigorous.

At one point I realized, oh dear god, this is what a Thoroughbred feels like after a race.  It was the equivalent to a horse rub down.

My only salvation is I keep thinking, she can NOT be thinking this is sexy.  This bizarre, uncomfortable massage can NOT be leading to a happy ending.

But so far her hands have stayed where they are, but I am having the toughest time being ready for flight while trying to seem super relaxed.  That is NOT an easy thing to pull off!

And why didn't I leave?  Because what about if I was wrong?  I do NOT want to be that middle-class white chick that freaks out at a masseuse.  Plus this place is RIGHT by where I work.  I do not want to be running down the strip mall with only a thin sheet on #seriously #Ihaveenoughissues

So 90% of the massage goes as planned.  There were some awkward moments, there was nothing relaxing about it, and as her hands get drier and drier the massage has become more of an exfoliating exercise than anything, I being to hope I might get through it without anything worthy of a hidden camera.

Then we get to the end of the massage and she jerks (doesn't remove or pull away, just JERKS) the sheet off of me and tells me to "Get Ready."

I do NOT want to know what I should be bracing for!  So I pop up, scrambling to gather the sheet under me, and back against the wall.

But there she stands with a hot towel, you know, to wipe off the non-existence massage oil.

Oh.

So I tell her I am fine and want to KEEP the massage oil on my skin.

And now of course, she probably thinks I am the kinky one!  #great

So when I tell you I really shouldn't go out in public.  #pleasebelieveme!

Mom's Day...

As most of you know, I had a... let's say complicated relationship with my Mom.

So it is not surprising that this Mother's Day holiday thing can kick up some stuff for me.  Add to that my own lack of children (probably my largest regret out of a life I have learned not to be regretful) and Mother's Day can be... stressful.

Some Mother's Days I feel so down and depressed.  Like how can I ever right my life if it started out so difficult.

Then other Mother's Days I feel guilty that I don't feel down in depressed.  I feel like i should be having a difficult time.

Then there are other Mother's Days like this one.

I just feel... at peace.

Sure tomorrow I may get mad at Mom again for some emotional button she installed, but for today I am just glad she was my Mom and I can honestly honor her for trying as hard as she did to protect me and contain her crazy.

I also honor myself for mentoring so many young women and employees.  I may not be a "Mom," Mom, but I have done my fair share of parenting so I can honestly say I have paid it forward.

Then I ask each of the dog's for a kiss... which they are always happy to oblige and call it a day.

So for anyone out there struggling on Mother's Day or any day really, just know 'this too shall pass.'  And surprisingly even get better :-) :-) :-)

Happy Mother's Day to one and all :-)

 :-)