What the Hell have I gotten myself into #thistime

Perhaps I have mentioned, I am ANTI-SOCIAL.

No, this isn't just a feeling I have, it is a confirmed fact.

My Momma told me never to talk to strangers and I took her very seriously!

Oh, you want an example? I will give you an example!

But first before you judge me too harshly, I must set the scene...

I drove to San Diego to meet a friend as he was wrapping up a convention. We had plans to go to our favorite restaurant.

His panel finished but before we could make our escape, a bunch of fans descended upon him.

Pretty typical except the last two that lingered.

One was the most awkward, pimply faced, geeky teen who walks up to my friend and says "You were way funnier than I thought you could ever be."

Then breaks out into a cackling laughter. Not only that but his Mom, (God love her) is 400 pounds in a yellow polka-dotted mumu, driving a motorized cart in figure 8s around us, her red flag flapping. Cackling away as well.

My friend and I just stand there frozen. I mean, what in the hell do you say to that? It was surreal.

Finally we go to leave but one last acquaintance of my friend comes up.

After some small talk (um, not with me of course, between them #duh) my friend says 'Ok, well, we should get going, we were planning on going to dinner.'

Now, of course, he thought that was a great segue out of the conversation. I, of course, knew the dreaded next words.

This acquaintance turns to me and says, "Well maybe I could tag along. Do you mind?"

"Yes, actually, I do." YES. THOSE EXACT WORDS came out of my mouth.

I am blaming the Yellow Polka-Dotted Mumu cackling cart people for freaking me out so badly. #mystory #stickingtoit

Well, about then (you know when both my friend and his acquaintance's face transformed with horror) I realize, WTF, I just said that out loud!

I scramble. "It's not you. It's me...."

Not working, not working, dear god, not working, so I said the only thing that came to mind (unfortunately the truth is what bubbled up to the surface)...

"I'm Anti-Social."

By now my friend has recovered and chimes in... (let's be clear #toolittle #toolate) "Actually she and I are working on a project together.'

"Ya, that too." I add, just to complete my humiliation.

The poor acquaintance murmured his good-byes and wanders off... dazed.

Yep, that's the effect I can have.

But why have I #atlast decided to share this with you?

Well, you see I'm heading to Phoenix for #BloggyBootCamp.

Yes, me along with about 70 other people I have never met before.

Umm.. Ya, you can see how this might not go so well.

So, if you're at Bloggy and see the linens moving by themselves that would probably be me under the table. Or if meet someone that you try to strike up a conversation with who just turns bright pink and runs off, ya chances are, that was the Crafty.

#andcountyourluckystarsIdidn'ttalktoyou

#youhavebeenwarned

It's only April and I'm already throwing in the towel on 2010!

For dating I mean. The rest of my life is awesome. Dating though? #notsomuch

Before, when I had, like hope, I would wait until New Year's Eve before I gave up on that particular year.

I would actually go to parties, just hoping beyond hope I would meet 'him' there.

Ok, then I got older (and you know, more tired) and started watching the ball drop on the back East feed so that I was in bed by 9:01pm.

But I would still hold out hope for most of the year until my birthday (around Thanksgiving). Again, I would go to parties, searching the crowd, with anticipation, but as you have probably guessed, nada.

Then I backed the "Date Where I Must Give Up All Hope For the Year" until to Halloween. Surly by the end of freaking October I'd find my guy. (plus by then I was watching the New Year's Eve Festivities in London so I can climb in bed any ole time I liked)

Over the past few years, my designated 'The Day Hope Dies" got slowly moved back to the 4th of July.

I mean, come on, 1/2 the year without a date and you might as well focus your energies somewhere else for the second 1/2!

But this year, that sudden realization, "That The Door Has Inevitably Inexorability, Forever Closed On This Year" came on Easter (notice how I skipped right past Memorial Day, hopelessness has that kind of snowballing effect).

I'm not sure it was the holiday itself (perhaps the candy had some minor part in it) but rather it was eHarmony's fault.

You see I was trying to actually get a date before July 4th so I decided to give internet dating another stab (and yes, I am aware of the imagery there!).

It had been a few years since I had participated in this unusual form of torture (put up pic and bio, get either booty calls or ignored all together) so I filled out all my 'new' (read 4 years older, and not a lot wiser) info and answered the 17 Gazillion questions on eHarmony and got back this lovely message...

"There is a <0.005% you will find someone on eHarmony. We wish you luck elsewhere."

Then it DUMPED me out of the website!!!!!!

Because you see, I'm not just old (45 is the new 90 when it comes to dating), or live in a small town, but chubby too.

I have now been told OFFICIALLY from eHarmony to GIVE UP hope!!!!!! They wouldn't even take my money and let me pretend to be hopeful.

Strangely that message made me less angst-ful.

Because quite frankly I am tired of feeling crazy.

Fielding all those 'just try Match.com, get out more, just think positive, you're just imagining the lack of single guys in your age/education/income level," type comments from friends

Now? Uhhh, ya, let me show ya something!

I just shoot off that ending message from eHarmony!

See? I'm not crazy!

Even a huge internet-based dating website thinks.... I AM DOOMED!

And because this is how I am, somehow I think I've won.

#showedthem #notsurethatIhaveinfactwon #butstilltakingcreditanyway

Introducing @WritingNoDrama!!!!!!!!!!

Way back when I first started this whole Twitter thing it was because I was jealous (and really, what in my life hasn't been based solely on revenge? #toomanytocount).

But a very silly techno-phobic friend of mine (I won't name names, but her Twitter handle is @TheDeeView #somuchfordiscrete) somehow started Tweeting and got over 1,000 followers!

How could I stand for that??? I am the webbie! I am the techno-phile! #damnit

So I went and scrounged up my old Twitter account and started tweeting away.

I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and absolutely no purpose.

I mean, I didn't title my blog the same as my Twitter name. Brand, What Brand?

But like lightening in a bottle, crafty grew and grew. I got my business its own account @zerotosold to help authors/screenwriters/directors get themselves and their work out there.

With those two accounts up and running beautifully I thought, ok, I've done it. I have proven I can tweet (ok, fine and I liked it #likedittoomuch #waytoomuch)

Yet somehow despite the fact craftycmc is my personal account, my writing has leaked out and since my homies are writers, I've been getting more and more DMs and @ asking about writing and the craft of it.

Even with all that influx, I just briefly answered writing questions when I could. I wanted to keep craftycmc light and fun and frankly #allaboutme #andmyissues #nogreatsurprisethere

But then what does my business partner have to do? Start his account for acting, @ActingNoDrama

Now he is having the time of life tweeting about his true love; acting.

#damnitm #squared

Now, of course, I want to Tweet about writing!

24/7. Blog about it. Talk about it. Swim in a stream of writing craft. #Iamfreakinginsanethatway

So, yet another endeavor based on jealously and unbridled passion #Iamlikeapuppydogoffaleash...

I introduce to you.....@WritingNoDrama

Be forewarned! I love writing and writers, but I'm not the 'hold-your-hand-and-pat-your-head' type of coach.

I'm the "Shut & Write!" type of coach! (don't believe me? check out my first blog, so very accurately entitled "Shut Up & Write" @http://bit.ly/dBYr6s)

Basically if you are serious about your writing (no matter your skill level - craft can be taught, desire and dedication cannot), I am serious about helping you write.

#wellthatandafewhashmarks #ok #fine #abunchofhashmarks #andsomefun #ya #yalotsoffun

#MentionMonday - Your Blog's BFF

Alright, you've heard about this #MentionMonday; the largest groundswell in the history of Twitter... Okay, maybe not that big, but for bloggers, it does seem to be the best thing to drive readers to your blog since sliced bread.

We peaked at over 52 million secondary reach this last week. My personal hits to the blog were over 150. That is about 149 more than I used to get!

Yada, yada, yada, get on with how to do it!

Here's the down and dirty...
Here's an example Tweet...

#MentionMonday How is Writing Like Sex? Find out in myblog @http://bit.ly/a2bzva Pls RT :-)

The key components?

#MentionMonday right off the top. It quickly identifies your Tweet as a blog to be noticed!

A catchy blurb/title/pitch

A direct invite to read your blog (and identify it as a blog to anyone not super familiar with #MentionMonday - I know that seems impossible, but it happens occasionally)

Your blog link - make sure to SHORTEN it! use any one of the many free services to shorten your blog's link. You want as much room left over for all the RTing and even personal recommends.

Then a polite request to RT (again for those who aren't up to speed on how this works).

Fantastic! You post that and then you are done right? Hardly!

To get the Full #MentionMonday Monty? Read on...
Now comes the part that makes this blog promotion work. You need to go and RT other #MentionMonday tweets.

You can be super specific and only RT ones that seem in the same genre as yours, or RT anything, that is up to you, but #MentionMonday will only work if you RT as well.

Plus it is only polite to RT anyone who RTed you.

But how to find them?

Put into the search bar (it is about in the middle of the right hand column) MentionMonday. You will find the stream of all the blogs scrolling by. See if yours is there and who RTed it, then go into their stream and RT back :-)

However, these last #MentionMondays were so large it was nearly impossible to find an RT from even a minute ago! So...

Explore your Retweet section (this is good practice anyway to build your following). It is right above the 'Search' bar and under the Favorites (which is below the Direct Message button for those of you who are directionally challenged :-)

The first tab is "Retweet by others" These are random retweets on your stream. who cares about this one, they usually aren't bloggers!

Hop over to the 3rd tab "Your Tweets, Retweeted" There you will find who RTed any of your #MentionMonday tweets.

Now go back to the 2nd tab and see if you RTed them. If not, find their #MentionMonday and pay back the favor!

Lastly, I have found to make life easier on everyone, I will RT a batch, then be sure to post my own #MentionMonday tweet supporting my blog.

This makes it easier for anyone I just RTed to find mine to RT back. I got this trick from several people who did it on the stream and I realized how much easier it made to RT their blogs promptly :-)

Okay, more lastly than the last one...

Do this whole procedure (RT everyone else, then post your own blog promo) frequently throughout the day. We had hundreds upon hundreds of people participate last week, and expect to grow exponentially as people realize how effect a promotional tool #MentionMonday is for their blog!

Any other questions? Don't hesitate to DM @craftycmc @writingstorm or @zerotosold #wearegiversthatway

My Nemsis and I...(or is it 'me'? I bet she'd know! #andcorrectme)

If you read my Tweets, you know I have a Nemesis at work.

I am old, chubby, and weird.

She is none of those things. As a matter of fact she is about as fresh-faced as you can get, thin as a rail and well, extremely normal.

I wish I could say she was inherently shallow or dumb or constantly texting on her phone (that last, unfortunately would be me + my Twitter #dearlord).

Alas, I cannot.

She's just... young, cute and one of those 'cool' girls I hid from in High School.

She doesn't even try to be cool, she just is #damnit

So why then is she my NEMESIS?

Because, for whatever cosmic reason, she catches me doing everything either morally bankrupt or stupid. #orboth EVERY TIME.

Today's example? As everyone should know, I'm on Lent. Which means I've pretty much (not completely because hey, I'm no a saint #clearly #whydidIevenbothertoqualifythat) given up high fructose corn syrup.

So what does a sales rep do? But bring in one of those HUGE jugs of Red Vines.

My Achilles heel. My Kryptonite. My One Fatal Flaw (ok, I have lots of them, but Red Vines is at least in the top 10!)

I had resisted those high fructos-y demons for so long (fine, for 3 days) when I finally said "What could one little Red Vine" hurt? #um #myprideitturnsout

So I look around, make sure my Nemesis is nowhere to be found and ever-so-carefully open the Red Vine lid.

No sound. Step 1 accomplished.

I pull out a single Vine, quickly pop the end into my mouth so I can use two hands to close the lid (no evidence I was ever there).

Unfortunately as I whipped the lid back on, I happened to knock over a bag of popcorn which hits the floor and strews popcorn everywhere.

With the Red Vine still sticking straight out of my mouth, I bend over (yes, butt high up in the air) to pick up the damning evidence when who but my Nemesis walks in!

It was as if time stopped.

Please, please, please try to picture my humiliation:
Me, bent over, presenting my lovely wide booty, forbidden Red Vine sticking out of my mouth, popcorn everywhere.

Nemesis takes in the whole picture, sadly shakes her head and walks out... with my pride.

#YetAgain

Get Your #MentionMonday Groove On!!!

Alright, you've heard about this #MentionMonday; the largest groundswell in the history of Twitter... Okay, maybe not that big, but for bloggers, it does seem to be the best thing to drive readers to your blog since sliced bread.

We peaked at over 47 million secondary reach this last week. My personal hits to the blog were over 150. That is about 149 more than I used to get!

Yada, yada, yada, get on with how to do it!

Here's the down and dirty...
Here's an example Tweet...

#MentionMonday How is Writing Like Sex? Find out in myblog @http://bit.ly/a2bzva Pls RT :-)

The key components?

#MentionMonday right off the top. It quickly identifies your Tweet as a blog to be noticed!

A catchy blurb/title/pitch

A direct invite to read your blog (and identify it as a blog to anyone not super familiar with #MentionMonday - I know that seems impossible, but it happens occasionally)

Your blog link - make sure to SHORTEN it! use any one of the many free services to shorten your blog's link. You want as much room left over for all the RTing and even personal recommends.

Then a polite request to RT (again for those who aren't up to speed on how this works).

Fantastic! You post that and then you are done right? Hardly!

To get the Full #MentionMonday Monty? Read on...
Now comes the part that makes this blog promotion work. You need to go and RT other #MentionMonday tweets.

You can be super specific and only RT ones that seem in the same genre as yours, or RT anything, that is up to you, but #MentionMonday will only work if you RT as well.

Plus it is only polite to RT anyone who RTed you.

But how to find them?

Put into the search bar (it is about in the middle of the right hand column) MentionMonday. You will find the stream of all the blogs scrolling by. See if yours is there and who RTed it, then go into their stream and RT back :-)

However, these last #MentionMondays were so large it was nearly impossible to find an RT from even a minute ago! So...

Explore your Retweet section (this is good practice anyway to build your following). It is right above the 'Search' bar and under the Favorites (which is below the Direct Message button for those of you who are directionally challenged :-)

The first tab is "Retweet by others" These are random retweets on your stream. who cares about this one, they usually aren't bloggers!

Hop over to the 3rd tab "Your Tweets, Retweeted" There you will find who RTed any of your #MentionMonday tweets.

Now go back to the 2nd tab and see if you RTed them. If not, find their #MentionMonday and pay back the favor!

Lastly, I have found to make life easier on everyone, I will RT a batch, then be sure to post my own #MentionMonday tweet supporting my blog.

This makes it easier for anyone I just RTed to find mine to RT back. I got this trick from several people who did it on the stream and I realized how much easier it made to RT their blogs promptly :-)

Okay, more lastly than the last one...

Do this whole procedure (RT everyone else, then post your own blog promo) frequently throughout the day. We had hundreds upon hundreds of people participate last week, and expect to grow exponentially as people realize how effect a promotional tool #MentionMonday is for their blog!

Any other questions? Don't hesitate to DM @craftycmc @writingstorm or @zerotosold #wearegiversthatway